Thursday, November 18, 2010

to much

I believe I have mentioned Daddy was a retired WWII vet, he served our country honorably for 25 years.When he was old that translated into nice pension. When he died last year, based on who knows what, My Mother received 64% of Daddy's military pension and is also entitled to an additional "Widows pension" that is a big $97.98 a month. Which of course is another batch of paperwork. Immediately upon getting her medicaid paperwork done that pension was applied for an sent off to the Vet. Adm.
It has now been 10 months and for the 5th time I am submitting paperwork. This time I had to write "why and what for" I needed to submit a complete accounting of her "income" for the last 12 months. the is no income to keep because the nursing home takes every penny and why she could use the big amount of $97.98.
Since there is no life or burial insurance and there was no savings it would be nice if i could bank some money to bury her when the time comes. A friend assures me Medicaid would bury Mom. Here in NY the most basic funeral starts around $2500 I would have to borrow the money.
After spending 2 1/2 hours filling in more paperwork I cried and cried and cried.
My Daddy served our country and it seems to me this amount of money for his widow should not have to be fought for by myself or anyone else.
When I saw Mom Monday I mentioned this to her ( stupid me) and she got very confused. After filling out and writing, my husband held me while I cried. Brad is all ready to get our congressman involved. I sent off 6 forms completed a 2 page letter from me. I hope this time it will work.
You know taking care of my mother's business is draining because she can't help and it reminds me of the loss of both Mom and Dad.
After feeling so sad I get angry I didn't sigh on to do all this stuff. They were supposed to have everything taken care of so that whoever was left standing could either stay with me or in a lovely little apartment. NOT
The good news however is that since Brad, Heather and I are go out o town for Thanksgiving; Joe is picking up his grandma for Thanksgiving Day.
There are so may sides to the death of one parent and Alzheimer's claiming the other. For me I get angry, sad, tearful and many other emotions. When the dust settles I know in my heart that no matter how much is involved in my mothers' last years I'll do it all. Why? Because underneath all the bad times, I do love her. I know in my heart I am doing what is right, what the Lord wants me to do and Daddy would expect nothing less.


  1. I know its no consolation, but you are not alone. The frustration with the disease, paperwork and the mourning - I get it. My dad died in September of this year and my mom doesn't have a clue where he is or mostly if he even existed. One tip on the VA - have you tried getting help from your local American Legion office? Also, have you looked into the VA Aid & Attendance pension for you mom, it may or may not be more than what you are getting. Hang in there!

  2. Thanks Lisa, So sorry for your loss this disease is as though we have buried both parents! I'll try those places out today. Mom knows Dad died last year but has no clue why she can't be left alone. Once last year it appeared that a light went on and we talked about the Alzheimer's. I asked her if she knew she had it and she said "yes" and the tears streamed down her checks. I asked how it felt. She said,"It is like putting your hand out to catch something clasping your hand thinking you have the caught it and hearing it crash to the ground." Then she paused and said I hear what I say and get angry because the words are wrong." I gave her a kiss and held her for a minute and then she gone. It was only a few minutes, I have to hold onto it. Mom hasn't been "back" since that time.

  3. My Mother has alzheimers too. She's still at home with my father, but she seems to deteriorate before our eyes. I try to blog about it to have something to look back on how she was doing, but I havent been regular with it. I need to, I'm always looking for other alzheimer blogs to read. Thanks for posting.

  4. Hi Debbie, My Mother was diagnosed 3 years before my Daddy died last year so he took care of her full time alone in Arizona. The blog sure helps because as you might have found out already unless you have a parent who has Alzheimer's you have no clue. Daddy's been gone 15 months almost and each time I see my mother I am saddened by her decline, which is why I keep saying Alzheimer's is HORRID! Hang in there, this place is safe and everyone "here" understands the pain and the heartbreak! God Bless, Jewels