Wednesday, December 16, 2015

December 16th,
          Much has happened since my last entree. Mostly it has to do with making peace with my Mom and now reflecting on the good times. Many thing have happened since my passed 2 years ago.The most important is God has helped me pack away the bad memories. Not only about our relationship but the things that she did that hurt to my quick!
        When I am out and about or I see an add for caring for an Alzheimer's patient I wonder.  How do you tell others that the trip from finding out the diagnosis to the the burial is long and hard and painful?!
         In reflection there were occasional moments, a flash of recognition, even a  few minutes.
         Mommy had been with us about 3 months, she spent most of her time staring at the TV.
 BUT once when I brought her a snack, she looked right at me and said, "Hi kiddo!" Then looked around the room tears were in her eyes and she said your Dad died a while ago." I said sadly, " yes Mommy. " Then I said you are in NY with me, Brad and Heather and all your grandkids are near."
          While she was still "here." I asked,  "Do  you know you have Alzheimers?" she had tears running down her cheeks and shock her head, "yes." 
          What is it like in your head, Mommy." Her response ripped my heart out, " It like trying to catch a glass before it hits the floor. I hear what I want to say in my head but I can't get it to my mouth. The words just slip away like the glass that falls and breaks!
           I told her, " I love you Mommy, she said, " I love you too." and with that she was gone again into the room with ever falling  glasses!
           I have her lovely Christmas tablecloth it took  her took 5 years to make. It is  on my coffee table in the living room. The center front ornament on her Christmas tree is an ornament with a picture of my Daddy.  Things and memories is what is left.
        There  will be new stocking on the bookcase : a new grandson -in-law and new granddaughter -in -law and 4 new grandchildren. Our family keeps growing.
        I just have to believe that God lets our loved ones that are with Him know they are not forgotten and always will be loved!!!
     Merry Christmas Mommy and Daddy! You are loved and remembered by all of us!!!

Sunday, November 23, 2014

Even Now

        I thought going to the grave site  a few months ago would put to rest the tears and the paperwork etc. I was wrong. The paperwork never stops the need for a copy of Mom's death certificate happens even now. Catalogs for Holiday shopping still arrive at my door for Mommy.
     The tears happen with every  major event.
     After 14 years and 2 tubal pregnancies. My middle son and his lovely wife adopted the most perfect baby boy ever. Gavin arrived March 30th. The first thought was to pick up the phone and call my parents. Heather got a lead in the drama club she sings and dances and is great. She is in Jazz band and Heather plays clarinet, alto sax and Baritone sax! My parents loved to dance to jazz bands in their "hay day!"Again no parents to call.
       My sweet husband is still have health issues and is not doing well. Oh how I wish I could here Daddy's voice and his calming words.
         My birthday came and went no pink roses and no birthday call. I am preparing for Thanksgiving,  Black Friday and Christmas too. The sweet memories fill my heart and mind.
Daddy has been gone over 5 years and Mommy a little over 1.
       Yep, Alzheimer's is still horrid;  it stole that last years of my relationship with Mom. But NOT having either of them here to see how great their grandchildren and great grandchildren are doing is even worse!
       The only peace comes from truly believing they are with our Lord and when I go I pass I'll see them again.
       May you all have a lovely holiday and I hope you have found peace.
      God Bless, Jewels

Friday, May 23, 2014

One more time

            Hi again,  I finally got the post fixed.Here are photos of Mother's Day 2014
Grandma Dixon, Mommy and Daddy

Me saying "I love you all and Good-Bye"

Mommy's favorite flowers violets and yellow roses
 God Bless you all for reading, commenting, and mostly understanding. Good Bye and God Bless you all,  Jewels

At last there is peace!


 Hello, It has been several months since I have written, not because I haven't had things to say but looking for the peace of mind and soul to close this chapter of my life.
          The day last August that we held the graveside service for both my Daddy and Mom was sunny and many family and friends showed up. All was well until I discovered the engraving on the "monument" had not been done. I flipped out and thanks to my sweet husband and others I calmed down so that Pastor Rick could begin.
        Heather sang, Rachel and Joe walked down memory lane and then I spoke. I do not have a clue as to what I said. I just know I cried.
       Our family has held this plot since the mid 1800's. My grandmother, Thelma Dixon, was placed here in 1989. I didn't have the money then for her name to be added,  I had all 3 names added at the same time. I did find out after the fact the when cremation is the form of burial usually the lettering is done later.
The day was rough and I felt so empty suddenly I went form having one living parent to being an orphan. And since 90% of my memories regarding my mother were so horrible I spent hours and hours crying.
       One day after crying and praying all night long and finally falling  asleep I woke and I had this impression. Deep in the back of my mind was Johnny Depp as Captain Jack sitting on top of a huge chest with chains and locks keeping the contents from ever escaping.  Then without any effort memories sweet gentle memories flooded my mind. Events, holidays , bbq's, parties, dancing around the living room with my Mom. At last there was PEACE! 
     I will always believe  my God gave me this gift. With that peace came joy and a renewed love for my Mother!
     Mom's birthday was April 22nd that was a rough day. I had not been back to the cemetery since the stone was craved. I ordered 6 yellow roses from our local florist and on our way to Church on Mother's day I picked them up.
       It is not a long drive. We again located our "BRIGG'S" family plot. Getting out of the car was rough I was shaking Brad and Heather grabbed each arm.  As I touched the monument I could almost feel my parents hugging me!

     My Mom could not grow houseplants to save her soul she tried every kind of violet and next to yellow roses they were her favorite flower. I was so amazed to see the wild violets in bloom all around the monolith we laid the yellow roses down. I am sure it made her smile.
     The memories are still coming new ones every once in awhile. Our middle son and his wife just brought home their first son. As I held Gavin,  I cried mixed tears. Joy that we have this new little guy and sadness because my parents will not be able hold him.
      Alzheimer's is Horrid! It cheated Mom and I out of her last years. I was so bitter at the horridness of the disease. I am still unhappy for the lost times. The difference is I am at last at peace with Mommy, I love her and miss her.
      My faith allows me to know I will see her, Daddy and the rest of our family. Because;  thanks to Jesus and His Resurrection, I am saved. Praise God!
       May all of you who have shared this blog find comfort and peace.
God Bless each of you! Jewels

Monday, October 7, 2013


        It had been an interesting last 6 1/2 week since Mommy left us to go to Daddy and our Lord. Her nursing home has turned HER and her Estate (which does not exist) into collection for $930.45. I would have used the last of her funds to pay them however DFAS, VA and Ceridian all took their money back 4 days after she died. Their is no estate and since my POA ended the moment she left this world my attorney assures me I am not financially responsible.
         I have not gone back to the cemetery to see the engravings on the stone. I want to do that alone. I'll bring a yellow rose then  I'll take a picture and post it here.
         The memories have been very gentle lately. My birthday is coming up and the rest of the holidays so I am already missing both parents and the good times.
       I hope those of you in Blog Land are finding moments of peace. My heart and soul hurt for the loss of the goodtimes, The bad times are still locked away in the chest way in the back of my mind.
Take care of yourselves and thanks so much for keeping me in your thoughts and prayers.
          God Bless you all.

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Good bye

If this worked you now see the 2 separate obits the one for my Daddy from 2009 and the one from today for Mommy.  They will be buried together in the family plot this Saturday Aug. 24,2013. Peace and together at last. I am numb but it will be over soon. I was Blessed to have had them for as long as I did. The Alzheimer's was in fact horrid but the sweet memories are starting to come forward. I thank the Lord and all the many prayers . Bless you all, Jewels

Daddy's obit

Retired Navy Chief
Edward H. Carey passed
away July 28, 2009, in
Bullhead City, Az. He
was born Feb 1, 1925, in
Los Angeles, California.
There was an intimate ser-
vice on July 31, 2009. He
is survived by his loving
wife Beverly, two daugh-
ters, Jan (Nunez) Ritchie and Lynn and one son
Paul.  There are 7 grandchildren, 12 great grand-
Chief Carey served his country as a radioman
during WWII ending his last tour of duty in
McMurdo Sound, Antarctica. He retired with
24 years of honorable service. Those years in
the military were essential to his civilian career
working for Control Data. He was a pioneer in
the computer software industry until her retired
in 1996.  He and his wife have lived their golden
years in Bullhead, Az.
He once said, “someday these huge computers
will fit on your lap” and he was right. In 2004
the World Wide Web became his way of passing
many hours. Daily emailed letters to friends, fam-
ily and an occasional politician were ways for Ed
to stay in touch with all who knew him. He lived
a life of integrity and always was a man of honor.
All who loved him will miss him.
Edward H. Carey