Wednesday, December 16, 2015

December 16th,
          Much has happened since my last entree. Mostly it has to do with making peace with my Mom and now reflecting on the good times. Many thing have happened since my passed 2 years ago.The most important is God has helped me pack away the bad memories. Not only about our relationship but the things that she did that hurt to my quick!
        When I am out and about or I see an add for caring for an Alzheimer's patient I wonder.  How do you tell others that the trip from finding out the diagnosis to the the burial is long and hard and painful?!
         In reflection there were occasional moments, a flash of recognition, even a  few minutes.
         Mommy had been with us about 3 months, she spent most of her time staring at the TV.
 BUT once when I brought her a snack, she looked right at me and said, "Hi kiddo!" Then looked around the room tears were in her eyes and she said your Dad died a while ago." I said sadly, " yes Mommy. " Then I said you are in NY with me, Brad and Heather and all your grandkids are near."
          While she was still "here." I asked,  "Do  you know you have Alzheimers?" she had tears running down her cheeks and shock her head, "yes." 
          What is it like in your head, Mommy." Her response ripped my heart out, " It like trying to catch a glass before it hits the floor. I hear what I want to say in my head but I can't get it to my mouth. The words just slip away like the glass that falls and breaks!
           I told her, " I love you Mommy, she said, " I love you too." and with that she was gone again into the room with ever falling  glasses!
           I have her lovely Christmas tablecloth it took  her took 5 years to make. It is  on my coffee table in the living room. The center front ornament on her Christmas tree is an ornament with a picture of my Daddy.  Things and memories is what is left.
        There  will be new stocking on the bookcase : a new grandson -in-law and new granddaughter -in -law and 4 new grandchildren. Our family keeps growing.
        I just have to believe that God lets our loved ones that are with Him know they are not forgotten and always will be loved!!!
     Merry Christmas Mommy and Daddy! You are loved and remembered by all of us!!!

8 comments:

  1. :( wow... I have heard this from others with Alz... what a torturous thing. I was in my car yesterday and once again couldnt think of a word, it frightened me. I have also found that I just dont care about the abuse any more- It feels trivial compared to both parents in homes losing themselves in one way or another...
    Peace to you

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