Thursday, July 18, 2013

Three weeks and still there is.....

    Mom died, July 28th,  the week after was pretty rough I cried a lot;  mostly trying to figure out how to make peace with her passing and our relationship. Everyone I know from ever faith prayed for me. Tuesday(2nd)  after she passed I spent crying, praying and sleeping. I woke up the next morning "hearing " this song  going round and round in my head, " I have a friend in Jesus." Then this overwhelming feeling of peace wrapped asround my heart and soul. Again hearing, "I have forgiven her, you need to also, and  accept your life for that it is what has made you the woman you are." The impressions were so strong I have been at peace since. God is GOOD!
        I also have this picture in my mind of a huge trunk way back in my brain covered with padlocks holding all the bad, horrible events and memories.  Johnny Deep as Captain Jack guarding it with signs that say "Danger Keep Out! Do Not Open!!!  He is ready to fight off and one who tries to open that chest!
       In the front of my mind is now a lovely chest which as been packed with such sweet memories I have not thought of for years. I did not think I would miss my Mom but I do and I praise God for giving me back such warm and gentle memories.
       Sweet Brad went with me to the funeral home at 9 am on Wednesday(17th). 3 weeks after Mom died. We picked up her ashes and her death certificate. I cried all the way home.
       Paperwork. and phone calls It seems not to stop. Officially all the funds in Mom's 2 checking accounts have been pulled by the Navy and Dad's Ceredian Pension. Today I go to Social Service to prove I do not have the $871 needed to pay for the cremation. Now here is the weird part. There was enough money in her account on July 2nd to cover the final expense. But the Navy took it back.  Social Service will see there are no funds in Mom's account and  issue a check for the $871 to the funeral home. DOES THAT MAKE ANY SINCE? Don't all those funds come from our federal government? SIGH
        Stewart is studying for the NY State Bar exam so we will have the grave side service sometime in August. Mom and Dad will be laid to rest in the family plot that we have had since 1833.
        For now Mom and Dad are sitting next to each other on the top of my small book case where I sew. When I glance up at them I smile. Daddy is in a metal ern Brad is going to make Mom a maple box with brass hinges and lock.
          I want to believe she is at peace and the Alzheimer's which is and was so horrid is no longer has a hold on my Mom.
        It has been a really rough last 3 1/2 years. When she and Daddy are laid to rest that saga will be over.
         God Bless you all.


  1. Glad you felt the surrounding love around you.
    May you discover yourself now
    as I hope to one day....
    Peace and strength

  2. I am sorry for your loss but you give me hope. This journey as my mom's caretaker has been very rough. I don't remember the good times very much any more. I sometimes think that they never existed. But, I love your description of the trunks. Thank you. God Bless you and may you find peace.