Why do we have reviews at the nursing homes where our loved ones are now living? It is a law here in NY. On Tuesday the 29th I attended another review. There were 8 staff including the Chaplain. I was pretty upset, I asked if we could open with a word of prayer, after all the name of this nursing home is "Baptist Health." The Chaplain said a short prayer.
Each of the staff presented their statement about my mother: she is sarcastic and testy, eats well, needs to use a walker but REFUSES which means someone must assist her walking at all time,her bathroom habits well she now needs a diaper,plays bingo and hearts, crochets often, sleeps late goes to bed early, is in her own world these days, and as for me well it is best that I still stay away.Even though she has the vodka (it is looked up with the meds) she has not had much of it as of now.
I cried they told I don't need to attend these reviews. I told them my Dad would want me to and after all she is the only mother I have. I was told I am a good daughter and I told them thank you but sadly the person who I wish would say that doesn't want to talk to me.
I thought this would get easier, in a way it is. I remind myself daily I promised my Dad I would take care of her. I am, not the way I thought. She is in a great nursing home with a kind and gentle staff. I will continue to pray for her,go to these reviews, buy her clothes and her extras and pay her bills until she passes.
This Horrid disease took any chance I had of making peace with my mother. I will always regret that.No matter how I look at it ALZHEIMER"S IS HORRID!!!
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
My kids in Blogland
You know you think you know your children and you talk to them frequently but when you read their blogs it is like looking into their secret worlds. My middle son (33) and my oldest daughter (28) both are on facebook. I talk to them and see them but reading here in Blogland and how they view the world is different.
I don't comment on what they say and I am not even sure if they know I read their blogs.It is interesting how neither of them have mentioned their Grandma. Rachel has let me know how angry she is at her, and Stewart has lost all respect for her. Why? There is not enough room here in Blogland to explain and to be honest it is to painful. Her past behavior has shown its ugly face and because my children love me they get mad because of how she affects me.
That being said I really am no longer angry at her. Just hurt no that is not the word sad because there will be no mending of what went wrong, no I'm sorry for... no I appreciate....no I love you..no... you get the idea this Horrid horrid disease has taken away the chance to mend our numerous broken fences. That is where the tears come from the depth of my soul.
I don't comment on what they say and I am not even sure if they know I read their blogs.It is interesting how neither of them have mentioned their Grandma. Rachel has let me know how angry she is at her, and Stewart has lost all respect for her. Why? There is not enough room here in Blogland to explain and to be honest it is to painful. Her past behavior has shown its ugly face and because my children love me they get mad because of how she affects me.
That being said I really am no longer angry at her. Just hurt no that is not the word sad because there will be no mending of what went wrong, no I'm sorry for... no I appreciate....no I love you..no... you get the idea this Horrid horrid disease has taken away the chance to mend our numerous broken fences. That is where the tears come from the depth of my soul.
the review
I am trying very hard not to be wound up about the review in a few hours... the truth is my stomach is in knots and I really don't want to go. But like all of us I will because it is the right thing to do...more later...
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Never enough time
I don't remember the last time I wrote here.I still have not seen my mother, it has been 3 months today.Beverly's review is the 29th I shall see if things have changed. I have regular contact with the nursing home who tells me it is better I stay away. My mother becomes very agitated when I leave and it takes several days to calm her down. 2 weeks ago I received a call from Mom's social worker at the nursing home.It seems her psychiatrist wrote a prescription so she could have a shot of vodka in the form of a"screwdriver" before she went to bed. What more can I say...
Saturday, February 12, 2011
recertification
It used to make me angry that Daddy died and left me with this mess and the Mom with Alzheimer's. It doesn't now, it is just part of my life as long as she is alive and living in a nursing home.
The recertification is an annual thing apparently. It is the way medicaid makes sure we are not using the funds of our family members for our own benefit. IF money is directly deposited to a personal/ private account then paperwork is sent out on the anniversary of the persons arrival in the nursing home.
That would be us...no matter how many times I call DFAS ( the military retirement from Daddy) or Ceridian ( for his pension after 30 years with them) both places have changed their policies. They will no longer send funds to private institutions. That makes no sense because each resistant has an escrow account to protect their money.
You know paper work and nursing homes and medicaid and taxes are a real pain.Why do we all do this stuff? Because it is what keeps our family members safe and sound. It can be annoying and will take time and a few calls and of course stamps.
The home called the other day Mom keeps falling and won't use a cane of a walker, she scratches her skin no matter how much lotion is applied. Most of her teeth are now gone and she refuses to go to the dentist. She is as stubborn as ever.
Oh yes, she still hates me.
Heather cries a lot about not having her grandparents. That is when I do get angry not at Mom but the disease that makes it emotionally unsafe for me to take her youngest grandchild for visits.
That is when I am reminded that, "Alzheimer's is HORRID!"
The recertification is an annual thing apparently. It is the way medicaid makes sure we are not using the funds of our family members for our own benefit. IF money is directly deposited to a personal/ private account then paperwork is sent out on the anniversary of the persons arrival in the nursing home.
That would be us...no matter how many times I call DFAS ( the military retirement from Daddy) or Ceridian ( for his pension after 30 years with them) both places have changed their policies. They will no longer send funds to private institutions. That makes no sense because each resistant has an escrow account to protect their money.
You know paper work and nursing homes and medicaid and taxes are a real pain.Why do we all do this stuff? Because it is what keeps our family members safe and sound. It can be annoying and will take time and a few calls and of course stamps.
The home called the other day Mom keeps falling and won't use a cane of a walker, she scratches her skin no matter how much lotion is applied. Most of her teeth are now gone and she refuses to go to the dentist. She is as stubborn as ever.
Oh yes, she still hates me.
Heather cries a lot about not having her grandparents. That is when I do get angry not at Mom but the disease that makes it emotionally unsafe for me to take her youngest grandchild for visits.
That is when I am reminded that, "Alzheimer's is HORRID!"
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
the quiet of the snow
It is quiet today, another 2 inches have dropped on the already 16 inches that are on the ground. Other than the occasional snowplow outside the world seems peaceful. Of course the fact the my phone was out of order for 36 hours helped the silence!
No school yesterday so Heather, my 4th grader, was thrilled to stay home and this morning she woke up "under the weather" so stayed home more less in bed for the day.
While Heather is doing her birthday party invites I decided to read the blogs of those of you who "follow" mine.
Each entry is similar in some ways . Love, devotion and tenederness fill many of the entries. Their is the common thread of heartbreak, frustration, sometimes anger and tears. There is also humor in many pieces I read.
Many of you have your parent near you or in your home others like myself have that parent in a Nursing home. Odd though no matter where the parent resides there is a tug that seems to shout," Is this the right way to take care of this family member. Am I a good daughter?" I know there are men out in blogland that are caretakers, my new son-in-law took care of his Mom for 4 years in her home. Every once in awhile Dan and I ask each other if the death bed promise to our Dad's affected the way we took/take care of our Mom's?
I haven't seen my mother since Dec. 23rd. I am not sure when I will go back for a visit. I was told by her caretakers that my visits disrupted her world for several days. Sigh... for now I am staying away.
Anyway, thank you all for sharing. I hope and pray 2011 brings peace not only to our parents with this nasty disease but to each of us. God Bless you all, Jewels
No school yesterday so Heather, my 4th grader, was thrilled to stay home and this morning she woke up "under the weather" so stayed home more less in bed for the day.
While Heather is doing her birthday party invites I decided to read the blogs of those of you who "follow" mine.
Each entry is similar in some ways . Love, devotion and tenederness fill many of the entries. Their is the common thread of heartbreak, frustration, sometimes anger and tears. There is also humor in many pieces I read.
Many of you have your parent near you or in your home others like myself have that parent in a Nursing home. Odd though no matter where the parent resides there is a tug that seems to shout," Is this the right way to take care of this family member. Am I a good daughter?" I know there are men out in blogland that are caretakers, my new son-in-law took care of his Mom for 4 years in her home. Every once in awhile Dan and I ask each other if the death bed promise to our Dad's affected the way we took/take care of our Mom's?
I haven't seen my mother since Dec. 23rd. I am not sure when I will go back for a visit. I was told by her caretakers that my visits disrupted her world for several days. Sigh... for now I am staying away.
Anyway, thank you all for sharing. I hope and pray 2011 brings peace not only to our parents with this nasty disease but to each of us. God Bless you all, Jewels
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
review
At 9:30 I meet with the staff at Mother's nursing home. I have been up all night wondering what they will say.Then after that off to the VA to continue the fight for her Widow's pension. I hope you are all have a good year when it comes to your Alzheimer's parent. So far mine has been hard.
I read your blogs and I it comes to me that this disease is not the same for everyone. No matter how"nice" the relative is we all have lost the person we once knew and loved....
I read your blogs and I it comes to me that this disease is not the same for everyone. No matter how"nice" the relative is we all have lost the person we once knew and loved....
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