The date has been set....

        It took  many phone calls, some letters and of course more money. But at last the date has been set. On Saturday, August 24th, at 11am we will put both my parents to rest in the family owned plot (since 1833) here in upstate New York. Brad is out as I type looking for a nice piece of maple or oak to make a box for my Mom's ashes. Daddy is already in a metal canister. The 2 of them will be together in plot 4.
       IT will be a family thing the 3 boys will bring their families, my girls will be with us. Our Pastor will Bless the grave and say a few words. I know I will cry, that is okay.
     After we are done there, we will be going to  a restaurant called Smokey Bones. My parents loved ribs so it seemed like a great place to end. We shall have a toast to Mom and Daddy, eat some ribs and share stories.
       Maybe not the  typical way to celebrate the lives of  ones' parents. BUT;  I have prayed and thought long and hard. I believe  my parents will be okay with this kind of good bye.
         My last entry will be after the funeral. Then I can close the book on "Alzheimer's is Horrid"!
          God Bless you all.

Three weeks and still there is.....

    Mom died, July 28th,  the week after was pretty rough I cried a lot;  mostly trying to figure out how to make peace with her passing and our relationship. Everyone I know from ever faith prayed for me. Tuesday(2nd)  after she passed I spent crying, praying and sleeping. I woke up the next morning "hearing " this song  going round and round in my head, " I have a friend in Jesus." Then this overwhelming feeling of peace wrapped asround my heart and soul. Again hearing, "I have forgiven her, you need to also, and  accept your life for that it is what has made you the woman you are." The impressions were so strong I have been at peace since. God is GOOD!
        I also have this picture in my mind of a huge trunk way back in my brain covered with padlocks holding all the bad, horrible events and memories.  Johnny Deep as Captain Jack guarding it with signs that say "Danger Keep Out! Do Not Open!!!  He is ready to fight off and one who tries to open that chest!
       In the front of my mind is now a lovely chest which as been packed with such sweet memories I have not thought of for years. I did not think I would miss my Mom but I do and I praise God for giving me back such warm and gentle memories.
       Sweet Brad went with me to the funeral home at 9 am on Wednesday(17th). 3 weeks after Mom died. We picked up her ashes and her death certificate. I cried all the way home.
       Paperwork. and phone calls It seems not to stop. Officially all the funds in Mom's 2 checking accounts have been pulled by the Navy and Dad's Ceredian Pension. Today I go to Social Service to prove I do not have the $871 needed to pay for the cremation. Now here is the weird part. There was enough money in her account on July 2nd to cover the final expense. But the Navy took it back.  Social Service will see there are no funds in Mom's account and  issue a check for the $871 to the funeral home. DOES THAT MAKE ANY SINCE? Don't all those funds come from our federal government? SIGH
        Stewart is studying for the NY State Bar exam so we will have the grave side service sometime in August. Mom and Dad will be laid to rest in the family plot that we have had since 1833.
        For now Mom and Dad are sitting next to each other on the top of my small book case where I sew. When I glance up at them I smile. Daddy is in a metal ern Brad is going to make Mom a maple box with brass hinges and lock.
          I want to believe she is at peace and the Alzheimer's which is and was so horrid is no longer has a hold on my Mom.
        It has been a really rough last 3 1/2 years. When she and Daddy are laid to rest that saga will be over.
         God Bless you all.

Mom is with our Lord and Daddy now.

          The last 48 hours have been full of emotions . I have driven to the nursing home 3 times. 2 with Rachel and Heather,  one with Brad and Heather.  The staff each time was sweet and gentle.     The 3rd time was to see her after she was"gone."
                   My Mom, Beverly S. Carey 4/22/1925 to 6/28/2013 may you RIP.
She left this planet shortly after she received her "Last rites."  I am not sure when we will have her services. The tears have been endless. I believe she is with our Lord and  my Daddy and that she no longer hurts. Her mind is once again sharp and her wit fine tuned. Her body moves with grace and she is smiling.
       We are left to pack up her belongings at the nursing home, I have numerous phone calls to make about her finances and who will pay for the  funeral fees.
      I am numb, sad, and yes also relieved. This blog is not over yet. I am sure other events will come up and need to be shared. For now I shall rest, God Bless you all.

Waiting.....

2:15 pm on Thursday (6/27) Her doctor called, " Your Mom is resting, it is just  matter of hours maybe a few days."I called Rachel she got to my home quickly. Rachel, Heather and I headed for the nursing home stopping briefly to get yellow roses for Mommy.
        I was not prepared for how she would look. Her eyes all sunckin' in, her arms wrapped so her skin would not be damaged. Mom's breathing was so very labored, she stopped breathing several times. Long ago she signed off on "heroic measures"...which means no oxygen etc.
The nurses were so kind and we three sat and gently touched her face, spoke quietly and cried.
We stayed for a few hours, Mom did not show any signs of knowing who we were. We left after saying our good-byes.
         At midnight I called for an update she was resting and 8 am she has physically become rigid and her Social worker gently said she truly felt it would not be long.
          Here I sit making phone calls: the funeral home, the cemetery, County Social for medicaid, our Pastor. I just spoke with the Chaplain at the nursing home. My Mother was a Catholic in her early days. Last rites will be done at noon today..
        The end is in site and maybe just maybe there will be peace knowing she is with daddy and our Lord.. God Bless you all and thanks for reading.

Another passing

        One of the worst parts about Alzheimer's is not being able to share information that you know before the disease your loved one would want to know.
          My  mother married my biological father, Miguel,  in 1946  after several miscarriages she had me. Mom had lots of issues about my father being in the Military, in 1953 when I was 3 she divorced my father.
       She met the  man I grew to love and called Daddy  in 1961, he died almost 4 years ago.
       I only have 4  or 5 memories of Miguel, he was one of 16 children the surviving ones all except him reside in and around Santa Barbara.  I have always kept in touch with that side of the family.
          Over the years Mom would talk about him she said good things and bad but I believe she did love him once upon a time.
           I received a call late last night from my first cousin, Angie, Miguel had just passed away.
The emotions are many. He had pancreatic cancer, he faught a long battle but the disease won out.  He had been married to my step-mother for 58 years they have 5 children and numerous grandchildren.
          I am torn. Why him? Beverly is not even in this world any more she has no mind  to speak of and her body is breaking down daily. From what I know from my Aunts and cousins. Miguel's body was breaking BUT he was still sound of mind and his family gathered around him and helped him daily to live a rich live.
      I am in upstate NY the funeral is private in Virginia Beach. I'll send flowers. My parents are no longer here, I am an emotional orphan.
      I am glad I know the Lord, Psalm 27:10" When my father and mother forsake me,  then the Lord will take me up."

another truth

The most frustrating part of my mother's finances is that no one ever answers the phone with a real person. I have been sitting at my computer on hold with the VA for 25 minutes now. Whoever choose the MUSAC should be thrown in the brig!!!!
I would prefer to do this on the computer.  But; certain web sites do not like my Mac browser
"TenFourFox."
My Daddy would be very un-happy  that after 28 minutes I have been disconnected And now they are closed....UGH!!!!

Direct deposit....

   Daddy was retired military. His SS was a breeze to transfer to Mom his Navy  pension  and his job retirement  took awhile. In time they both started arriving and was more or less just a small headache.
       BUT this silly monthly $90 widow's pension took  almost 3 years and was a real pain in the butt. NOW for the last 5 months each check comes with an insert to change from "snail mail" to direct deposit or else!
    Being a responsible person  I immediately in Jan. 2013 went to the website only to be "told" there was a problem . I had to contact another #. Which of course I did and after pushing all the right numbers was at last told there was a large volume of calls and my call would be answered in 45 minutes or more. Who has that kind of time to be on hold?!
       I hung up and over the last 5 months have called many random times. Yesterday  I hit pay dirt and got a charming woman. right away!  HOWEVER after 5 questions was told , " I'm so sorry Mrs. R you need to call....."
           It was already 5 pm EST.
         I called the new number today at 3 and to my amazement was only on hold for 12 minutes.  A gentleman named  Michael answered and was pleasant.  After 4 questions he informed me because I am Mom's  fiduciary agent I needed to download form SF1199A. I needed to fill my part out then have the bank do their part then fax it to PA.
         The form is not bad I had to print out 4 copies (VA copy, bank copy and my copy)  plus directions.
     My complaint since everything is by computer would it have been so difficult for the computer  to give me the proper insert 5 months ago with who and where ?
       Anyway , tomorrow I'll get the bank to do their part and I'll fax the VA copy with a cover letter  giving Daddy and Mom's personal information. Hopefully this will solve this problem.
      This is just a reminder to get our houses in order so we don't leave this kind of  mess for our kids.
       God Bless, Jewels