The Visit

      The Charge nurse suggested we wait for Mom in the dining room while they got her ready. I was once again told each day is different so she may or may not be belligerent. My friend and I waited for 30 minutes before Mom was ready to visit.
         She was pushed into the dining room . To be honest I would not have recognized her, at first. She looked almost like a cartoon witch. Her eyes deep set, her hair to her waist, white as snow most of her teeth missing. Her hands were so brusied. Her body sloughed into the wheel chair.
     The flowers I brought were Spring colors she seemed to like them. Heather had made an oragami bird to sit in the flowers. Mom seemed unsure who Heather was. I gave her information about all her grandchildren and great grandchildren. Her looks were blank.
    I had used my cane because the parking lot is pretty uneven, plus the walk to her room was fairly long. She asked why I was usuing a cane. I pulled up my pant leg and showed her my scare then explained my full knee replacement. For a few minutes she was the OR NURSE again asked the "right" questions. Then she faded.
     An aide pushed her back to her room at the end of the visit so we could place her flowers in the room.
      Her new location is so tiny mostly because it is packed with stuffed animals and blankets she has crocheted.The pictures I have sent and framed were in her room too.
      I bent down and kissed her told I loved her and left.
      What more is there to say. There was little if any conversation; it was me giving information to a woman I believe once was part of my family. But this lady was not her, she has her name but her soul that made her Mom was nowhere to be felt.
      I am numb. I doubt think I'll go back, my Mom is gone.

New location

      I finally worked up the courage to call the nursing home. I spoke to the Charge nurse in her new secured location. I was told she is belligerent frequently. That was not a surprise.
         I have asked my friend who just lost her husband to come with me. Her late husband was violent toward the end too.
          Tuesday at 9:30 am we will be visiting my Mother. I have no high hopes or expectations. I am simply bringing her some birthday presents and saying goodbye. I've told my kids but no one wants to risk what could happen and I understand.
       Please say a few prayers and send happy thoughts. I'll let you know what happens. Thanks for reading about this journey.
       God Bless you all.