Friday, May 25, 2012

Their loss...

Over the last several days 4 dears friends have had parents pass away. Two very suddenly with no history of major illness. Two whose parents had Alzheimer's, I have shared a few conversations with them about this Horrid disease. The truth of the matter is for them they will miss the fact that their Dads have left this world.They will hurt for what these last years were missing.There will be guilt for the relief of no longer having to deal with the Alzheimer's. I envy the latter...Forgive me God I want her to go home to you and my Dad! I want so much to only think of the good times. The rough times are not the first thing I remember any more. The Lord, time and distance have eased the pain and hurt. I hope and pray for my friends and all of us that with the passing of loved ones each of us will find comfort and peace.

Saturday, May 19, 2012

Rachel earns her Master's Degree

My Daddy dropped out of high school to join the Navy in WWII.I didn't know that until I was a teenager. He served our country for 25 years he retired as a Master Chief (radioman). He went to work for an upcoming computer company called Control Data in the beginning they were IBM's main competition. HE wrote and designed software.After several years there they wanted to promote him, that is when we all found out Daddy was a high school dropout. He very quietly went to night school got his GED and went to college, he got the promotion. Education was so important to Daddy. While I was watching my sweet daughter receive her degree I thought Daddy would be so very proud of her.As Horrid as Alzheimer's is the death of a beloved parent is just as bad. Even though my Mom has no clue what goes on I want to believe that Daddy looked down from Heaven this morning and watched his sweet,smart and beautiful granddaughter get her Master's Degree in Cultural Anthropology. Tuesday (15th) I sat at my doctor's office waiting for a test to be taken. A lovely older woman was talking away to Brad and I. After several minutes I had to ask her (a very tacky question) how old she was. She smiled a beautiful smile and said with great energy, " I am 83 years young!" You in blogland know what comes next...That should be my mother, my plan was so different than our reality. As I am sure for each of you,your plan was to have "happily ever after"...but alas that is not her (our) destiny... My Mother always loved a hot bubble bath when she got home from her shift at the OR. I would run her tub while she would pour herself a cold coke, grab a magazine and then slide into the tub. Sometimes if she worked a double shift half way through her bath she would yell for me. The bubbles covered all but her face and she would ask me about my day, I didn't not appreciate that time until the other day.Once again the phone rang,Cindy the day charge nurse called. Mom was found sitting in a bathtub naked, no water,no bubbles just sitting there looking around.Another thing stolen by the Alzheimer's! Deep sigh of sadness. Good night all, and God Bless.

Friday, May 11, 2012

more flowers

Just another reason for tears. I ordered flowers wrapped and tied with yellow ribbons. I thought all the way to the nursing home I would find the courage to hand them to Mom, myself. I didn't! I tried instead I handed them to the receptionist wished her a Happy Mother's Day and left. I hope you in blogland have better luck staying in touch than I do. Some how writing checks paying her bills, purchasing everything they say she needs, sending flowers frequently just doesn't seem enough. Forgive me for whining right at the moment I am feeling sorry for myself....and my Mother. Good night all, Happy mother's Day and God Bless!

Friday, May 4, 2012


I just spent 30 minutes writing a response to my last replies but I have no clue where it went sigh...I 'll try again later time to take Heather to school

What I miss...

I think for all of us the way things used to be; is on more occasions than not,is painful. After time the bad things seems unimportant and the happy times come to the for front. Mostly I miss my Daddy's knowledge his life experiences made him so wise. Our Rachel is getting her Masters Degree on the 19th, I am so proud of her. She is also getting a divorce after 18 months of marriage. Our youngest is moving up to middle school on June 20th. These 3 events are just a few of the things that are happening with our 5 kids and their families. I so want to share with my parents... I look up on the shelf in my studio and talk to Daddy's ashes and his picture. I try to hear what he would tell me to say about the divorce. When Mom was "here" mentally and physically she and I would go out to lunch then we would shop for the perfect gifts for her granddaughters. I looked for Mother's day cards for my daughter-in-laws, some good friends and yes one for my Mother from Heather. I read several that in the past I would have sent to Mom. I cried. The flowers will be sent again. Again signed,"You are loved!" Oh Lord make my heart stop hurting, please....How many tears are there???