Tuesday, June 29, 2010

a good visit

Well yesterday Rachel and I decided to go to the nursing home. I prayed a lot, since I never know how I will be greeted. When we got out of the elevator I looked right at my mother and did not recognize her. Rachel had to point to her. Why? It has been 2 months but I swear she has aged 10 years. The visit was fine she cried and held my hand, we had a few "loop" conversations but all in all it was nice.
Rachel's wedding is less than 6 weeks away, as it gets closer we will pray that Mom can stay calm and attend. Rachel really wants her t here now and so do I.
My heart is not as heavy but this is still HOrrid!

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

i don't want tooooooo

There seems to be several sides to how to behave with or to one's parent who has Alzheimer's. There are many who are able and do an amazing job of keeping their loved one with them to the end, others like myself who only last months before a nursing home comes into the picture and then there are those who from the first moment find some where else to keep the person they have called Mom, Dad or ???.
Even when your parent is in a nursing home. There are visits or calls from your children who once again saying, "Why did you put Grandma there?" Good friends who say,"She really doesn't seem that bad!"
How do you explain that even though you know in your mind the hateful words the blank stares the confusing conversation that my son Joe refers to as the"Loop" are exhausting. They are not really that person who raised you. Let's not forget the paperwork that seems endless when you are the POA of our loved one.
I am a Christian and I know in my heart the Lord understands how I handle this horrid disease. I do have so much repecct for you out there in blogland who seem to have seem to come to a quiet peace. Perhaps when more time goes by it has after all not been year since Daddy died and I found out the truth out about my Mother and her horrid disease.
I want to go back in time when Daddy was taking care of Mom in AZ and I would come out to visit and all was simple. I don't want tooooo have a Mother with Alzheimer's I want her whole again.. BUT she is gone and my family is left with a woman who is daily slipping away into her own world.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

I can drive again

Mu surgeon said i can drive again so No excuses so I need to go see Beverly. The nursing home called today to tell me she fell naked outside her bathroom door. She is fine just a little embarrassed. Rachel and I are going to visit next week. Joe just saw her , Stewart is on vacation. While at the movies with Rachel yesterday there was a granddaughter probably 25 ish like Rachel with her grandmother holding hands heading into the same move we went to see. "Letters to Juliet" my heart was sad. It doesn't go away the heartbreak just hangs around.