Saturday, June 16, 2012

another passing

I have a brother who is 8 years older than myself. My mother,  had him at 17  barely 7 months along. In 1942 when a infant was under 3 lbs there was little hope. Even though Mom was married somehow my  grandparents decided they should raise him, and they did. I did not meet him until he was 21.
HE was not all together "in his right mind" and he caused lots of trouble. He did get married it lasted long enough for him to father two daughters.
A few days ago while on facebook I noticed people saying things to my niece like, " so sorry for your loss", "I will keep you in our prayers.." I went back through the "wall" but could not figure out what  had happened. I emailed Diane Sue and found out the her sister, my 41 year old niece, wife and mother of 5 had been killed Wednesday the 13th by a drunk driver.
I immediately wanted to call Daddy and Mom and tell them. I even had the phone in my hand for a brief second.
Cindy is with the Lord,  she has seen Daddy,  I believe.  I can't tell Mom, she most likely would not know who Cindy even was. My heart once again aches there are so many things that Alzheimer's steals. Even sharing tragedy, is not possible..... My heart has no more tears right now...Night all. God Bless.

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

More nightgowns

      It seems my main job is to pay her bills and  to purchase clothes for my Mom. The call from the nursing home came last week. "Hi Jewels, the nurses on your Mother's floor said she needs some new nightgowns." I have no problem doing that but where do they go? I wonder if it is that the commercial washing machines "eats"  the fabric after awhile. I have found Lands End seems to have the nicest mid-calf heavier fabric short sleeve and sleeveless collection with nice solids and prints to choose from, for modesty sake.
      My mother  always wore lovely matching undies but no longer wears a bra and sadly is in diapers. Non shear gowns are a must.  I remember when I was a teenager going into my Mom's closet she must have had at least a dozen, if not more, beautiful lace gowns and robes of all colors  and little slippers with heals to match.
      She loved pretty clothes, she was so pretty.  Until she was in her mid 30's she had auburn hair to her waist which she wore in a pony tail.  Daddy and Mommy went to Mexico to the dog-races and some man offered Mom  a thousand dollars for her pony tail. She laughed and said, No!" A few months later her Mother told her she was to old to wear a pony tail and she had her her cut off. That was long before "locks of love" so she was minus her beautiful hair. She should have sold it to the man at least she would have had the $1000. 
        I stopped at the store before going to the nursing home. I added to the bag with the 3 gowns, 3 magazines, a Hershey almond bar, a sleeve of Oreo double stuff cookies  and a coke. All her favorite things.
        Once again I was going to brave the trip to the second floor. BUT I handed everything to her Social worker instead and left. My friend Sami waited in my car. Her mother passed away a few years ago. Her Mom also had Alzheimer's  so she understands the path so many of us take. By time her Mother passed away she also had no clue who Sami or her siblings were. She understood my tears on the way home.
       That is what this blog is about letting everyone in Blogland know it is okay to be angry, and sad. We all cry for what is happening now and what  we thought it was "supposed to be"  like and deep inside we want it to be over.
       Thanks for not judging. I hope on some small level my words (typos and all)  give some comfort. God Bless, Jewels