Wednesday, January 19, 2011

the quiet of the snow

It is quiet today, another 2 inches have dropped on the already 16 inches that are on the ground. Other than the occasional snowplow outside the world seems peaceful. Of course the fact the my phone was out of order for 36 hours helped the silence!
No school yesterday so Heather, my 4th grader, was thrilled to stay home and this morning she woke up "under the weather" so stayed home more less in bed for the day.
While Heather is doing her birthday party invites I decided to read the blogs of those of you who "follow" mine.
Each entry is similar in some ways . Love, devotion and tenederness fill many of the entries. Their is the common thread of heartbreak, frustration, sometimes anger and tears. There is also humor in many pieces I read.
Many of you have your parent near you or in your home others like myself have that parent in a Nursing home. Odd though no matter where the parent resides there is a tug that seems to shout," Is this the right way to take care of this family member. Am I a good daughter?" I know there are men out in blogland that are caretakers, my new son-in-law took care of his Mom for 4 years in her home. Every once in awhile Dan and I ask each other if the death bed promise to our Dad's affected the way we took/take care of our Mom's?
I haven't seen my mother since Dec. 23rd. I am not sure when I will go back for a visit. I was told by her caretakers that my visits disrupted her world for several days. Sigh... for now I am staying away.
Anyway, thank you all for sharing. I hope and pray 2011 brings peace not only to our parents with this nasty disease but to each of us. God Bless you all, Jewels

Tuesday, January 11, 2011


At 9:30 I meet with the staff at Mother's nursing home. I have been up all night wondering what they will say.Then after that off to the VA to continue the fight for her Widow's pension. I hope you are all have a good year when it comes to your Alzheimer's parent. So far mine has been hard.
I read your blogs and I it comes to me that this disease is not the same for everyone. No matter how"nice" the relative is we all have lost the person we once knew and loved....

Thursday, January 6, 2011

it continues

I have come to the conclusion that this blog doesn't really present me in the best light. On review I do complain , whine and generally bitch frequently. In my defense , if I need to defend myself, generally I am a pretty balanced and Christian woman. This disease however makes me crazy. IT also has created in my Mother a woman who 90% of the time gives new meaning to the word NASTY>
Okay it is the disease to a point. Somehow I am supposed to get beyond what comes out of her mouth and just love her. That is not always easy and I admit it puts my Christian beliefs to the test every time I visit with Mom. i promised my Daddy before he died I would take care of her. I am by having her reside in one of the top Nursing homes in upstate NY.
The other day the nursing supervisor called me. Mother had fallen in November and no one had called to let me know. She is fine, I know that because I have seen her several times since then. She and I spoke for a long time and I cried. The nurse was very reassuring about my mothers' less than nice behavior. She let me know that the staff knows I am a "good" daughter etc. I cried while talking to this nice person.
I hung up and cried for 30 minutes Brad did everything he could to comfort me. The tears came from such a deep place in my soul.
What I am left with is a deceased Daddy and a mother with advanced Alzheimer's. TOTALLY NOT MY PLAN.
This place, BLOGLAND, is the only safe place I know where others hurt to the same depths. This woman who wants to strangle me once held me and said she loved me. I most likely won't have that again but maybe God willing I can just hold on to that time.