Sunday, November 23, 2014

Even Now

        I thought going to the grave site  a few months ago would put to rest the tears and the paperwork etc. I was wrong. The paperwork never stops the need for a copy of Mom's death certificate happens even now. Catalogs for Holiday shopping still arrive at my door for Mommy.
     The tears happen with every  major event.
     After 14 years and 2 tubal pregnancies. My middle son and his lovely wife adopted the most perfect baby boy ever. Gavin arrived March 30th. The first thought was to pick up the phone and call my parents. Heather got a lead in the drama club she sings and dances and is great. She is in Jazz band and Heather plays clarinet, alto sax and Baritone sax! My parents loved to dance to jazz bands in their "hay day!"Again no parents to call.
       My sweet husband is still have health issues and is not doing well. Oh how I wish I could here Daddy's voice and his calming words.
         My birthday came and went no pink roses and no birthday call. I am preparing for Thanksgiving,  Black Friday and Christmas too. The sweet memories fill my heart and mind.
Daddy has been gone over 5 years and Mommy a little over 1.
       Yep, Alzheimer's is still horrid;  it stole that last years of my relationship with Mom. But NOT having either of them here to see how great their grandchildren and great grandchildren are doing is even worse!
       The only peace comes from truly believing they are with our Lord and when I go I pass I'll see them again.
       May you all have a lovely holiday and I hope you have found peace.
      God Bless, Jewels

Friday, May 23, 2014

One more time

            Hi again,  I finally got the post fixed.Here are photos of Mother's Day 2014
Grandma Dixon, Mommy and Daddy

Me saying "I love you all and Good-Bye"

Mommy's favorite flowers violets and yellow roses
 God Bless you all for reading, commenting, and mostly understanding. Good Bye and God Bless you all,  Jewels

At last there is peace!


 Hello, It has been several months since I have written, not because I haven't had things to say but looking for the peace of mind and soul to close this chapter of my life.
          The day last August that we held the graveside service for both my Daddy and Mom was sunny and many family and friends showed up. All was well until I discovered the engraving on the "monument" had not been done. I flipped out and thanks to my sweet husband and others I calmed down so that Pastor Rick could begin.
        Heather sang, Rachel and Joe walked down memory lane and then I spoke. I do not have a clue as to what I said. I just know I cried.
       Our family has held this plot since the mid 1800's. My grandmother, Thelma Dixon, was placed here in 1989. I didn't have the money then for her name to be added,  I had all 3 names added at the same time. I did find out after the fact the when cremation is the form of burial usually the lettering is done later.
The day was rough and I felt so empty suddenly I went form having one living parent to being an orphan. And since 90% of my memories regarding my mother were so horrible I spent hours and hours crying.
       One day after crying and praying all night long and finally falling  asleep I woke and I had this impression. Deep in the back of my mind was Johnny Depp as Captain Jack sitting on top of a huge chest with chains and locks keeping the contents from ever escaping.  Then without any effort memories sweet gentle memories flooded my mind. Events, holidays , bbq's, parties, dancing around the living room with my Mom. At last there was PEACE! 
     I will always believe  my God gave me this gift. With that peace came joy and a renewed love for my Mother!
     Mom's birthday was April 22nd that was a rough day. I had not been back to the cemetery since the stone was craved. I ordered 6 yellow roses from our local florist and on our way to Church on Mother's day I picked them up.
       It is not a long drive. We again located our "BRIGG'S" family plot. Getting out of the car was rough I was shaking Brad and Heather grabbed each arm.  As I touched the monument I could almost feel my parents hugging me!

     My Mom could not grow houseplants to save her soul she tried every kind of violet and next to yellow roses they were her favorite flower. I was so amazed to see the wild violets in bloom all around the monolith we laid the yellow roses down. I am sure it made her smile.
     The memories are still coming new ones every once in awhile. Our middle son and his wife just brought home their first son. As I held Gavin,  I cried mixed tears. Joy that we have this new little guy and sadness because my parents will not be able hold him.
      Alzheimer's is Horrid! It cheated Mom and I out of her last years. I was so bitter at the horridness of the disease. I am still unhappy for the lost times. The difference is I am at last at peace with Mommy, I love her and miss her.
      My faith allows me to know I will see her, Daddy and the rest of our family. Because;  thanks to Jesus and His Resurrection, I am saved. Praise God!
       May all of you who have shared this blog find comfort and peace.
God Bless each of you! Jewels