Thursday, March 31, 2011

I went , I cried....

Why do we have reviews at the nursing homes where our loved ones are now living? It is a law here in NY. On Tuesday the 29th I attended another review. There were 8 staff including the Chaplain. I was pretty upset, I asked if we could open with a word of prayer, after all the name of this nursing home is "Baptist Health." The Chaplain said a short prayer.
Each of the staff presented their statement about my mother: she is sarcastic and testy, eats well, needs to use a walker but REFUSES which means someone must assist her walking at all time,her bathroom habits well she now needs a diaper,plays bingo and hearts, crochets often, sleeps late goes to bed early, is in her own world these days, and as for me well it is best that I still stay away.Even though she has the vodka (it is looked up with the meds) she has not had much of it as of now.
I cried they told I don't need to attend these reviews. I told them my Dad would want me to and after all she is the only mother I have. I was told I am a good daughter and I told them thank you but sadly the person who I wish would say that doesn't want to talk to me.
I thought this would get easier, in a way it is. I remind myself daily I promised my Dad I would take care of her. I am, not the way I thought. She is in a great nursing home with a kind and gentle staff. I will continue to pray for her,go to these reviews, buy her clothes and her extras and pay her bills until she passes.
This Horrid disease took any chance I had of making peace with my mother. I will always regret that.No matter how I look at it ALZHEIMER"S IS HORRID!!!

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

My kids in Blogland

You know you think you know your children and you talk to them frequently but when you read their blogs it is like looking into their secret worlds. My middle son (33) and my oldest daughter (28) both are on facebook. I talk to them and see them but reading here in Blogland and how they view the world is different.
I don't comment on what they say and I am not even sure if they know I read their blogs.It is interesting how neither of them have mentioned their Grandma. Rachel has let me know how angry she is at her, and Stewart has lost all respect for her. Why? There is not enough room here in Blogland to explain and to be honest it is to painful. Her past behavior has shown its ugly face and because my children love me they get mad because of how she affects me.
That being said I really am no longer angry at her. Just hurt no that is not the word sad because there will be no mending of what went wrong, no I'm sorry for... no I I love you get the idea this Horrid horrid disease has taken away the chance to mend our numerous broken fences. That is where the tears come from the depth of my soul.

the review

I am trying very hard not to be wound up about the review in a few hours... the truth is my stomach is in knots and I really don't want to go. But like all of us I will because it is the right thing to do...more later...

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Never enough time

I don't remember the last time I wrote here.I still have not seen my mother, it has been 3 months today.Beverly's review is the 29th I shall see if things have changed. I have regular contact with the nursing home who tells me it is better I stay away. My mother becomes very agitated when I leave and it takes several days to calm her down. 2 weeks ago I received a call from Mom's social worker at the nursing home.It seems her psychiatrist wrote a prescription so she could have a shot of vodka in the form of a"screwdriver" before she went to bed. What more can I say...