Thursday, March 31, 2011

I went , I cried....

Why do we have reviews at the nursing homes where our loved ones are now living? It is a law here in NY. On Tuesday the 29th I attended another review. There were 8 staff including the Chaplain. I was pretty upset, I asked if we could open with a word of prayer, after all the name of this nursing home is "Baptist Health." The Chaplain said a short prayer.
Each of the staff presented their statement about my mother: she is sarcastic and testy, eats well, needs to use a walker but REFUSES which means someone must assist her walking at all time,her bathroom habits well she now needs a diaper,plays bingo and hearts, crochets often, sleeps late goes to bed early, is in her own world these days, and as for me well it is best that I still stay away.Even though she has the vodka (it is looked up with the meds) she has not had much of it as of now.
I cried they told I don't need to attend these reviews. I told them my Dad would want me to and after all she is the only mother I have. I was told I am a good daughter and I told them thank you but sadly the person who I wish would say that doesn't want to talk to me.
I thought this would get easier, in a way it is. I remind myself daily I promised my Dad I would take care of her. I am, not the way I thought. She is in a great nursing home with a kind and gentle staff. I will continue to pray for her,go to these reviews, buy her clothes and her extras and pay her bills until she passes.
This Horrid disease took any chance I had of making peace with my mother. I will always regret that.No matter how I look at it ALZHEIMER"S IS HORRID!!!


  1. Oh honey don't beat yourself up so much! You ARE doing the best that you can with the situation. It is what it is. You havent deserted her, your Dad knows you're giving all you can with the way the situation is. Some things are just out of your control. Don't let this control you. Would your Dad want you to dread and go to these reviews when there's nothing for you to gain? You are a good daughter, you can't change the way your Mother will treat you, too late for that. So don't focus on what you can't change. Hugs.

  2. Debbie, thanks so much for the kind words. I am okay today. I write here in Blogland when I am in that place called Hell. My life is rich and full and I am happy. This part of my world I hate.Knowing that when it comes to the Alzheimer's and my mother I am helpless is not fun. You are right she is in a wonderful place and I am taking care of her. Like all little girls even though grown up we want our Mommies to love us. Lucky for me my kids give me tons of love and hugs. I have done my best to be the Mom to them that Beverly could not/would not to for me and maybe that is because she never had it from her Mother, who knows! I remind myself daily God loves her too. Again thanks for listening.
    God Bless, Jewels