Friday, May 23, 2014

At last there is peace!

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 Hello, It has been several months since I have written, not because I haven't had things to say but looking for the peace of mind and soul to close this chapter of my life.
          The day last August that we held the graveside service for both my Daddy and Mom was sunny and many family and friends showed up. All was well until I discovered the engraving on the "monument" had not been done. I flipped out and thanks to my sweet husband and others I calmed down so that Pastor Rick could begin.
        Heather sang, Rachel and Joe walked down memory lane and then I spoke. I do not have a clue as to what I said. I just know I cried.
       Our family has held this plot since the mid 1800's. My grandmother, Thelma Dixon, was placed here in 1989. I didn't have the money then for her name to be added,  I had all 3 names added at the same time. I did find out after the fact the when cremation is the form of burial usually the lettering is done later.
The day was rough and I felt so empty suddenly I went form having one living parent to being an orphan. And since 90% of my memories regarding my mother were so horrible I spent hours and hours crying.
       One day after crying and praying all night long and finally falling  asleep I woke and I had this impression. Deep in the back of my mind was Johnny Depp as Captain Jack sitting on top of a huge chest with chains and locks keeping the contents from ever escaping.  Then without any effort memories sweet gentle memories flooded my mind. Events, holidays , bbq's, parties, dancing around the living room with my Mom. At last there was PEACE! 
     I will always believe  my God gave me this gift. With that peace came joy and a renewed love for my Mother!
     Mom's birthday was April 22nd that was a rough day. I had not been back to the cemetery since the stone was craved. I ordered 6 yellow roses from our local florist and on our way to Church on Mother's day I picked them up.
       It is not a long drive. We again located our "BRIGG'S" family plot. Getting out of the car was rough I was shaking Brad and Heather grabbed each arm.  As I touched the monument I could almost feel my parents hugging me!

     My Mom could not grow houseplants to save her soul she tried every kind of violet and next to yellow roses they were her favorite flower. I was so amazed to see the wild violets in bloom all around the monolith we laid the yellow roses down. I am sure it made her smile.
     The memories are still coming new ones every once in awhile. Our middle son and his wife just brought home their first son. As I held Gavin,  I cried mixed tears. Joy that we have this new little guy and sadness because my parents will not be able hold him.
      Alzheimer's is Horrid! It cheated Mom and I out of her last years. I was so bitter at the horridness of the disease. I am still unhappy for the lost times. The difference is I am at last at peace with Mommy, I love her and miss her.
      My faith allows me to know I will see her, Daddy and the rest of our family. Because;  thanks to Jesus and His Resurrection, I am saved. Praise God!
       May all of you who have shared this blog find comfort and peace.
God Bless each of you! Jewels

4 comments:

  1. what a journey....
    I wonder what is in store on the other side of caregiving....
    Of course you will see her, it is just a thin veil.

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  2. Peaceful, The other side of care giving is an odd since of not really emptiness but a new kind of aloneness. The Alzheimer's and the person who had it filled my mind and heart and soul 24.7. IS gone. The contact from the nursing home is no longer is part of my life. The paying bills, meetings,visits, phone calls about her ,buying clothes , all of that has been removed from my world because she is no longer here. My mother was always high maintenance even before the Alzheimer's. Mom took energy and lots of time. There are moments when I am at a loss as to what I am supposed to be doing. I still have Heather at home she is 13 going on 16. I have a new grandson plus Brad is now retired. There is plenty to fill the empty times left by Mom being with the Lord. BUT there is a shadow always in my heart,mind and soul which she filled for my entire life. It is different not bad not good just different.God Bless, Jewels

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  3. Wow, what a great thread! You can also check out this cool product from MIT which helped a lot of seniors especially those who has dementia, Alzheimer's Disease or any other mental health problems. It is in a form of cute and talkative puppy! Here is the link of their site http://www.gerijoy.com/

    Thanks!

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