Thursday, January 6, 2011

it continues

I have come to the conclusion that this blog doesn't really present me in the best light. On review I do complain , whine and generally bitch frequently. In my defense , if I need to defend myself, generally I am a pretty balanced and Christian woman. This disease however makes me crazy. IT also has created in my Mother a woman who 90% of the time gives new meaning to the word NASTY>
Okay it is the disease to a point. Somehow I am supposed to get beyond what comes out of her mouth and just love her. That is not always easy and I admit it puts my Christian beliefs to the test every time I visit with Mom. i promised my Daddy before he died I would take care of her. I am by having her reside in one of the top Nursing homes in upstate NY.
The other day the nursing supervisor called me. Mother had fallen in November and no one had called to let me know. She is fine, I know that because I have seen her several times since then. She and I spoke for a long time and I cried. The nurse was very reassuring about my mothers' less than nice behavior. She let me know that the staff knows I am a "good" daughter etc. I cried while talking to this nice person.
I hung up and cried for 30 minutes Brad did everything he could to comfort me. The tears came from such a deep place in my soul.
What I am left with is a deceased Daddy and a mother with advanced Alzheimer's. TOTALLY NOT MY PLAN.
This place, BLOGLAND, is the only safe place I know where others hurt to the same depths. This woman who wants to strangle me once held me and said she loved me. I most likely won't have that again but maybe God willing I can just hold on to that time.

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