The holidays begin...

Thanksgiving was wonderful here at my home. We had 11, a nice number.
All day long I had shadows of days past with my parents. Daddy and I cleaning the family silver, me ironing the linen napkins ( which Heather did this year for us), Mom having me chop the fixings for the stuffing, pealing the potatoes, then making mashed potatoes, her making yummy gravy. The house smelled so good , there were always 3 kinds of pies cooling.
The she would get the linen table clothe out good china out and use the silver that Daddy and I had shinned.The table always looked something out of a magazine.
Everyone would sit down and wait for Daddy to begin. Before Daddy carved the bird he would start with what he was most thankful for, he would look at my mother and me. Then say he was most thankful for us. After that each person would follow suite.
Cleaning up was always the women in the family's job. The men would go in the living room and have a cocktail or beer.
The alarm would go off the next morning at 3:30 am. Mom and I would jump in her Mustang, and hit the Black Friday sales! When we were done we would go to Dick Church's restaurant for brunch...just she and I.
This Black Friday Heather and I talked about how hard it is for her to hear from all her friends about spending the day with their grandparents. I didn't have access to my grandparents very much. Until recently Heather had 3 sets of grandparents all who spoiled her with love and lots of hugs. Now the only one left is a grandmother in the advanced stages of Alzheimer's.
She and I cried and hugged,what more could we do?
We did not head out until 1 in the afternoon then the 3 of us joined the crazy people. It was fun but for me the shadows kept coming to my mind!
Once again my heart is broken. Thank God for my faith in the Lord, the many family and friends who let me know I am loved.
I hope all of you in Blogland are able to find some peace this Holiday season.

details

I had a very strong impression to get my Mother's "ducks" in order yesterday. I spent almost 2 hours calling the cemetery, funeral home and the company that does the engraving on the stone. Then I wrote her a rough draft of her obit. I printed it all out put in in her file and emailed copies to my 3 oldest kids. They will most not be happy with some things.Daddy always said he and MOM wanted to be cremated and to be buried at sea. Daddy however is on my bookcase in my office and when Mom goes I will have them both placed in the family plot here in NY which has been where family members have been buried since 1833. I believe Daddy is with the Lord and Mom will join him soon enough I don't really think it matters where they are laid to rest really matters. I feel better having made these plans.

time heals...kinda

This year has been rough there have been several funerals, no births or weddings.WE have had broken feet booth Brad and Heather, walking pneumonia for me as well as an outbreak of shingles a few times. ear infections and now I have Mono...Let's not forget the Broken cars, loss of income.
Even if I had been in an emotional ok place to see my Mom my body has not been well enough. That being said...
I called the nursing home today and spoke to her case worker. Apparently she is fine she crochets non stop talks to the other retired nurses and is in her own little world.
I suppose I will some day accept the fact that my Norman Rockwell image will never happen. I so wanted it to work, I tried.
There are actually hours when I don't think of my mother then there are times when I cry and my heartbreaks a little more.
The women in our family live long, so who knows when the good Lord will call her home. Every time the phone rings late or early I hold my breathe...Because of the number of funeral we have been to I ponder hers. There is a chaplain at her nursing home, I suppose that would make the most since,having her buried in the family plot with her mother. hmmm...I wonder....