Such a gift....

   With my Mother being in a different "World" full time that leaves a big hole in my heart and life. As time moves forward the bad times, the mean words have been replaced with a few really sweet memories.
     God knows our hearts and fills our needs in ways that are a surprise. My friend Deb's mother has been not only a Grandma to Heather but a mother to me.
      Recently my Pastors mother-in-law has once again come out from AZ.  I can't tell you what there is about this lovely lady named, Betty; but, when I am around her  all I want to do is cry. Not sad tears but tears of deep love. She treats me as her daughter in the best of ways. We went to 5 Guys for lunch yesterday and spent 2 hours just talking. No topic was off limits and I felt not only feed physically but my soul and heart felt filled too.
     She returns to her home state Saturday I will miss her terribly! She is just a phone call, Facebook or snail mail away and there is comfort in knowing that she  truly loves me without judgement.
     She is NOT my mother. God has brought peace to my soul and sent fit to send 2 loving women into my physical life that help heal the deep hole left by Mother and her Alzheimer's.
      I hope you in Blogland have found peace through your faith whatever that may be and from someone to physically give you hugs and love to fill the hole this HORRID disease leaves.

a book

The women on my mother's side have always been writers. My great grandmother Ella wrote for a little woman's magazine in the early 1900's. My mother wrote some shorts that were published in her local papers. My youngest, 11  1/2 year old,  Heather is already working on her first book. My sweet Rachel,  had her Master Thesis published and is working on her first book. 

As for me I have written all  my life and have been published in some local magazines. This blog even earned an award, "http://www.healthline.com/health-slideshow/best-alzheimers-dementia-blogs." 

 That being said, I am, with the help and proof reading by Rachel  putting this blog into book form. 

 I will wait until Mom goes to the Lord to actually publish the contents of this blog. This path is not over yet and I appreciate the many times you each have stopped your busy day to drop by and read my ramblings.  There will come a time when our  loved ones will no longer here. In the mean time I will continue to use this forum to gross, complain and of course cry.

Thank you so much I hope your path has moments of peace and quiet.

PS---please listen

I found it and I should have know it was Nat"King" Cole ("Youtube") Mom loved him most of all.  I had forgotten the words, 2 of the lines," Since you went away the days grow long," "But I miss you most of all when Autumn leaves start to fall!" I do miss her, there were rough times between us long before the Alzheimer's ate her brain and made her mean. Please know I do love her and miss the good times so much......I really hate Alzheimer's...it is beyond HORRID!!!

Autumn in NY

I know it is only the 9th but here in upstate the leaves on my oak tree are  already turning red. Does anyone remember the song "Autumn in New York"?
We came from Southern California to upstate NY in Jan. 1980. My Daddy had gotten transferred, and since my in-laws at the time lived in Ma. David and I and our 2 boys came East with them.
That was almost 33 years ago.
This may be hard to follow but for me there is always a thread of how I reached different points in my crazy world.
The boys loved the snow, Joe was 10 Stewart 2.  I had never driven in the white stuff and  was a little nervous. It took a while to get comfy but by the next Winter we were settled in a little town called Argyle. I got stuck in the snow several times but there was always a farmer who pulled me out.
My parents lived 45 minutes South in Albany and my-in-laws 3 1/2 hours South East down by the Cape.
The first Autumn was breathtaking that's when my mother got out her old records and found Johnny Mathias or maybe It was Frank Sinatra singing "Autumn leaves."
Yesterday I sat out in my front yard with Brad and Heather looking at the sky and looked at the beautiful leaves. And reflected. Heather is now in middle school the others are all on their own, Daddy is with the Lord .
I wish Mommy was sitting outside with me drinking her "Tab" talking about years gone by and sharing what each of her grandchildren and great grand children were doing. She loved Fall mostly because it meant Christmas was coming closer. That was her favorite time of year!
I think I'l go to "You Tube" and see if I can find someone singing "Autumn leaves" and cry  some more. I so hate Alzheimer's!