Thanksgiving came and went, Christmas has come and gone.
No visit to Mom. Phone calls from the nursing home, the flu has made it's rounds so they had to ask me if Mom could receive a flu shot. I said yes. They asked if we wanted to attend the Holiday buffet. I said no.
The florist who is down the street from Baptist was sweet, as always, when I ordered Mom her flowers. A Christmas arrangement with one yellow rose, the card, signed as always, " You are loved!" Did I call the home to see if she liked the flowers? No. I have come to the place deep inside that let's me know for a few moments she will enjoy the flowers but then as quickly as that occurs she will ask who they are for.
It has been 2 years now since any of the family has seen Mom. There was a time when she and Daddy lived in AZ. that we did not see them for as many as 8 years. I did speak to or email Daddy every other day though and spoke briefly with Mom when I called.
I called my oldest son, Joe, we spoke about his grandma and the situation. I cried, he simply said, "Mom, It's ok you are doing all that can be done now." I just pray I never get to place that my kids have to deal with this kind of situation.
For now we shall see what 2013 brings Mom turns 88 in April. I wonder if she will still be here or will she at last be with the Lord and my dear Daddy. I can only pray and have Faith that I whatever happens I will be strong in my God.
Happy New Year all of you in Blogland.
I had a mental collapse from this. I have been reading for a while and I will say this-dont feel guilty for what you think you should be able to handle but cannot.
ReplyDeleteI am starting a new road of no more contact-I cannot handle any more, I understand your anxiety now, I am in it deep.
I am praying for my father to 'go' too.
Peaceful,
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry that I just saw your comment a few minutes ago.
The praying for a parent to "go" is certainly common. The guilt and anxiety to go with that feeling is also part of the emotion we all have for wanting to move on with our life. The phone rings here and for the 10 seconds from, "Hi Jewels this is Baptist about your Mom." I hope and yes pray they are telling me my Mom is gone.So far it is simply she has fallen again, has more un-explained bruises or something else.
I hope you can find comfort in knowing you are not alone!
God Bless.Jewels