Sunday, July 24, 2011
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
phone call
Mom's psychologist just called I wanted to speak with her about how Mom has been doing since I have not seen her in 5 months.
Mother has her own little group of old ladies, she crochets,watches TV and plays cards with them. She has good days, sick and some days where she just wants to get out of there.
According to her doctor she has "holes" in her memory due to the Alzheimer's and possibly a stroke. When those "holes" come around that is when she gets angry. Dr. Sarah says she is doing fine for someone her age.
Her doctor also told me that it takes more than one person to tend to someone in her condition. She assured me that I am taking care of her by having her in Baptist.
I was also told it was up to each of my family if they wanted to see her. It could go either way as far as how she would behave.
This was the first time I have spoken with her psychologist. I cried she was kind told me everyone needs to make there own decision.
Prayer is the only way I can come up with a decision. Hope you all are doing okay with your family members. Take care and God Bless.
Mother has her own little group of old ladies, she crochets,watches TV and plays cards with them. She has good days, sick and some days where she just wants to get out of there.
According to her doctor she has "holes" in her memory due to the Alzheimer's and possibly a stroke. When those "holes" come around that is when she gets angry. Dr. Sarah says she is doing fine for someone her age.
Her doctor also told me that it takes more than one person to tend to someone in her condition. She assured me that I am taking care of her by having her in Baptist.
I was also told it was up to each of my family if they wanted to see her. It could go either way as far as how she would behave.
This was the first time I have spoken with her psychologist. I cried she was kind told me everyone needs to make there own decision.
Prayer is the only way I can come up with a decision. Hope you all are doing okay with your family members. Take care and God Bless.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
no word
It has been very quiet here in blogland. No comments from anyone and not a whole lot of new posts. For me it is simply the rest of my life has been very very busy.
I have called the nursing home and left several messages with Mom's Social worker but she has not returned my calls. I would like to speak with my mother's psychiatrist that has not occurred.I am hanging on to "no news is good news".
There was Grandparents day at Heather's school the other day. My sweetie just cried knowing she has a Grandma 18 miles away but that that Grandma is not able to attend any functions. Heather knows it is the Alzheimer's sadly that does not make it easier for my 10 year old. Why would it? It doesn't make it easy for any of us grown-ups.
I had a dream about Mom passing the other night. It was very surreal, oddly I was very calm. I wonder if that is how it will be.
I hope you are all having good days with your loved ones.
Summer is almost here I wonder what that will bring.
I have called the nursing home and left several messages with Mom's Social worker but she has not returned my calls. I would like to speak with my mother's psychiatrist that has not occurred.I am hanging on to "no news is good news".
There was Grandparents day at Heather's school the other day. My sweetie just cried knowing she has a Grandma 18 miles away but that that Grandma is not able to attend any functions. Heather knows it is the Alzheimer's sadly that does not make it easier for my 10 year old. Why would it? It doesn't make it easy for any of us grown-ups.
I had a dream about Mom passing the other night. It was very surreal, oddly I was very calm. I wonder if that is how it will be.
I hope you are all having good days with your loved ones.
Summer is almost here I wonder what that will bring.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
flowers
Tell me what is worse, the death of a beloved parent,the living parent who never says anything positive to you or the mother who has Alzheimer's and "hates" you?
A Spring bouquet of yellow flowers with several yellow rose will arrive for my Mother for Mother's Day Friday. The card just says, "You are Loved." I don't dare sign the card.
I hate this! I am sorry to complain it just hurts so much. I realized today that I really am not angry any more I am not waiting for an apology that will never come. The really bad times are packed away in box buried in the depths of my mind and soul. I do love her and I want her back, I want the good times. I want the kids to have fun with their grandma. I want to take her shopping and out to lunch.
It's NOT FAIR! I want her back WHOLE! ALZHEIMER'S IS BEYOND HORRID!
A Spring bouquet of yellow flowers with several yellow rose will arrive for my Mother for Mother's Day Friday. The card just says, "You are Loved." I don't dare sign the card.
I hate this! I am sorry to complain it just hurts so much. I realized today that I really am not angry any more I am not waiting for an apology that will never come. The really bad times are packed away in box buried in the depths of my mind and soul. I do love her and I want her back, I want the good times. I want the kids to have fun with their grandma. I want to take her shopping and out to lunch.
It's NOT FAIR! I want her back WHOLE! ALZHEIMER'S IS BEYOND HORRID!
Sunday, May 1, 2011
May 1st...
On Monday (2nd) it is meet the candidate night. I am running for the Board of Education.My parents had spent a life time active in local politics. IF life was how I planned, even with Daddy being gone, Mom would be right in the middle helping me hand out flyers, helping me decide what to wear. When things were good between us she would refer to me as her "babygirl" no matter what age I was at the time, I miss that.
Tomorrow night she would be right by my side; milling around telling everyone how her"babygirl" would do a great job.
BUT the letter I sent her telling her I was running she tore up and she asked the staff to send it back to me...another reason to hate Alzheimer's!
Next Sunday is Mother's Day. I don't cook dinner on Mother's Day so we will go out.
Rachel and Dan will be over, Joe too most likely . Heather has no choice since she is only 10. Todd will be with Jen and his Mother. Stewart and Carolyn live in Buffalo now so at $4 plus a gallon I'll most likely get a phone call maybe a card but no visit.
If this world was a Norman Rockwell painting. We would all have dinner at my favorite restaurant and my Mother would be right in the middle of it all. She would get mushy cards and flowers lots of hugs and kisses and we would sit around, eat good food tell silly stories and just enjoy each others company.
That is not going to happen.
Mother's Day for my Mother will be just another day in the nursing home.The kids may or may not send cards. Heather will send a card, I will send flowers, no signature. She continues her hate for me and not going to see her is at the request of....you know I have told you all before...
How are you all doing in BLOGLAND? Will it be easier when she passes? I wonder is there relief or guilt? For the moment just sadness.
Tomorrow night she would be right by my side; milling around telling everyone how her"babygirl" would do a great job.
BUT the letter I sent her telling her I was running she tore up and she asked the staff to send it back to me...another reason to hate Alzheimer's!
Next Sunday is Mother's Day. I don't cook dinner on Mother's Day so we will go out.
Rachel and Dan will be over, Joe too most likely . Heather has no choice since she is only 10. Todd will be with Jen and his Mother. Stewart and Carolyn live in Buffalo now so at $4 plus a gallon I'll most likely get a phone call maybe a card but no visit.
If this world was a Norman Rockwell painting. We would all have dinner at my favorite restaurant and my Mother would be right in the middle of it all. She would get mushy cards and flowers lots of hugs and kisses and we would sit around, eat good food tell silly stories and just enjoy each others company.
That is not going to happen.
Mother's Day for my Mother will be just another day in the nursing home.The kids may or may not send cards. Heather will send a card, I will send flowers, no signature. She continues her hate for me and not going to see her is at the request of....you know I have told you all before...
How are you all doing in BLOGLAND? Will it be easier when she passes? I wonder is there relief or guilt? For the moment just sadness.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
ok now
While sewing the nightgowns I actually asked the Lord to take Mom home so I would not have to deal with all this anymore. That made me feel guilty beyond belief.
I brought my friend Sami with me to the nursing home.Her mother passed away last year. By time she died her Mother had no clue who Sami was if anyone understands the hurt, the pain the sadness it is Sami.
We arrived to a packed parking lot; lots of grandkids going to see the grandparents. I quietly walked in and gave the goodies to her social worker, walked out crying. I was pretty much a mess emotionally on Friday.
Our Pastor was raised in the Jewish faith, he converted to Christianity when he was 18. Every Good Friday he does a Passover dinner for our congregation and many Churches connecting the traditions of the Jewish faith with the New Testament.
I really did NOT want to attend I just wanted to stay home and cry. I went and I am so glad that I did.
I don't know about the rest of you who read this for me, as rough as this gets which is pretty bad sometimes my faith in God, the support from family and friends are the only thing that gets me through day after day.
I am okay now, for the moment. I remind myself Mom is still in the nursing home, she still has Alzheimer's she still doesn't want to see me. But with that in mind today as I write I am at peace.
I promised Daddy I would take care of her and I am. Beverly is in a Christian nursing home with a qualified staff that take excellent care of her. I pay her bills and supply all her extras and pray for her every day. She is safe.
I know in my heart when I see God and my Daddy they will be happy at the way I have handled this nasty situation.
I am not great at where different Scriptures are by any means but it occurred to me when the Apostles asked Christ, "When did we feed you, When did we clothe you etc. His response was, "When you do this to the least of my Brethren you do this to Me." That is how it is with my mother, when I remind myself that God loves her too I can do this for Him by taking care of her.
I brought my friend Sami with me to the nursing home.Her mother passed away last year. By time she died her Mother had no clue who Sami was if anyone understands the hurt, the pain the sadness it is Sami.
We arrived to a packed parking lot; lots of grandkids going to see the grandparents. I quietly walked in and gave the goodies to her social worker, walked out crying. I was pretty much a mess emotionally on Friday.
Our Pastor was raised in the Jewish faith, he converted to Christianity when he was 18. Every Good Friday he does a Passover dinner for our congregation and many Churches connecting the traditions of the Jewish faith with the New Testament.
I really did NOT want to attend I just wanted to stay home and cry. I went and I am so glad that I did.
I don't know about the rest of you who read this for me, as rough as this gets which is pretty bad sometimes my faith in God, the support from family and friends are the only thing that gets me through day after day.
I am okay now, for the moment. I remind myself Mom is still in the nursing home, she still has Alzheimer's she still doesn't want to see me. But with that in mind today as I write I am at peace.
I promised Daddy I would take care of her and I am. Beverly is in a Christian nursing home with a qualified staff that take excellent care of her. I pay her bills and supply all her extras and pray for her every day. She is safe.
I know in my heart when I see God and my Daddy they will be happy at the way I have handled this nasty situation.
I am not great at where different Scriptures are by any means but it occurred to me when the Apostles asked Christ, "When did we feed you, When did we clothe you etc. His response was, "When you do this to the least of my Brethren you do this to Me." That is how it is with my mother, when I remind myself that God loves her too I can do this for Him by taking care of her.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Happy Birthday Mom
Happy Birthday Mom. The 2 nightgowns I made for you. The Easter basket Heather did and the roses are from all of us. I hope you enjoy your day.I do love you and I have to believe under the anger you love me too.
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