Last Friday I ordered flowers for Mom, she was 87 on the 22nd. The little flower shop I use is down the street from her nursing home. The arrangements they do are not only very pretty but affordable. I no longer sign our names to the card. I simply say, "You are loved." The nurses have told me she thinks they are from Daddy, that is fine with me. I no longer ask if the kids want to contribute,it is hard for them too. A good friend of mine has her mother living with her. Her Mom is about to turn 80 and has lived with my friend for 12 years. Ilene has some health issues but her mind is as sharp as a tack! MY friend, Deb,and her Mom fight all the time. When I stopped in Ilene and I spoke for a long time among the many topics. At one point Ilene told me how pretty she thought her daughter is and how much she appreciates all she does for her. I left after awhile and true to form cried all the way to my house. What I ( or any of us) would give to: A. have a conversation that made since, B. have loving kind words come out of our parents mouth, C. to know that the next time we visited they would remember what was said on the past visit. But alas that is no longer the case.

cindy said...

The good news about nurses is they are honest and sometimes painfully so. Cindy Mom's day charge nurse called to tell me Mom had once again fall and had a bruise so big by so big. At least this time she was not naked. She is okay.
I foolishly asked about the 3 rd pair of shoes. Cindy without skipping a beat said, " I think if we don't tell her you got them for her she might wear them. " Immediately Cindy was quiet then apologized. The more she said the worse it sounded finally I let her know it was okay and I would be fine. Of course that is only partially true I cried.
I feel like a broken record which is why I write here and not on facebook or call my boys. Since Rachel is living with us for a while she hears all about her grandma she sees me cry. I told her today all I ever wanted from Beverly was approval and at 61 that is still what I want .
LET'S FACE FACTS SHE HAS ADVANCED ALZHEIMER"S AND THAT IS JUST NOT GOING TO HAPPEN!

no way...

Just in case you are curious; the jogging shoes that were the right size and rather pretty are also a NO go. Mom let them know she would never were such ugly looking shoes and in fact slippers are all she is ever going to where. 6 hours of phone calls, 2 trips to the home and $260 later I am left just shaking my head.

3 pairs...

I get a phone call Mom needs regular walking shoes for her physical therapy when it begins. I spend 2 hours and finally found the shoes she wore as a nurse for years and ordered them in black...I spent an extra $25 to have them arrive the next day. (total $94.14) They arrive at the nursing home the day she starts therapy, oops no longer an 8b. I get a call she needs the same in a wider size , another $97.14 , again on my charge card, also overnight delivery. The second pair arrive at the nursing home , they don't fit.
The online company email mailed a Fedx label ,so I didn't have to pay shipping. I drive down, pick up the 2 pair and mail them to Fedx. I will not be refunded the $50 spent so far to ship them to the nursing home.
The PT person wants her to have a Jogging type shoe extra wide toe box. I again call the online store (shoes.com , very nice and helpful) after several hours a pair with an extra extra wide shoe box that will ship overnight. This time they understand the problem and do NOT charge me the $25 to ship overnight.
Now it is Monday the shoes arrived Friday I have not heard anything. I think shoes must be okay must fit....WRONG!
I just called to be told by the charge nurse my mother REFUSES to even try the shoes on. The charge nurse says she will once more attempt to get my mother to wear them. If not she will box them up and give them to Anneka and I will return them to the company.
I am DONE! I just want to scream! I truly hate the disease Alzheimer's is not just Horrid it wipes out those of us who just want to help. Things that should be simple are anything BUT...because she is so far gone I am not able to take her out and to be honest am not emotionally equipped to do so...so what can I do?? Cry.....and I am...pray, yep I do that to....cry some more...

annual review

Once a year or maybe twice I meet with the staff at Mom's nursing home. I am given information on all the basic stuff: her weight, teeth, bathroom habits, sleep,and eating too. They give each resident a question and answer test to see where they are in the reality, 15 questions Mom got 5. One was what is the year?Mom's response was, " In don't know and I don't care!
She crochets all the time and is mostly pleasant until sundown then she becomes nasty. Mom talks about Daddy...today would have been their 52 anniversary.
Once again they reassured me, I still cried....I hope you in blogland are doing well. God Bless.

awww

Hurting her ankle 2 weeks ago led to a trip to the ER showed it was sprained, which resulted in an ace bandage. That did not work the orthopedic doctor Mom in a walking cast in hopes to help her ankle heal.
The staff is trying to keep her down and in a wheel chair but since she can not retain why she is wearing a cast nor why she can not walk it is not easy.
I found a pair of shoes that other than being in black were the ones she wore while a nurse. I ordered them and had them sent to the nursing home. HOWEVER since they are now attempting to keep her from walking; the shoes will be placed in her closet until she heals.
I have her review next Tuesday...it is always rough.

Doesn't stop or change

Well somethings don't change. I am not sure if that is good or bad. The paperwork got done, some of it made no sense at all. Some of it is multiples of others stuff, I was told most of it is now going to be repeated every year.
Mother fell and severally sprained her ankle. She was taken to the local ER, it was ace wrapped and she was sent back to the nursing home. Sadly and yet not surprising, she couldn't remember why her ankle hurt, therefore Mom would not use her walker or crutch. Back she went to orthopedic doctor and they put a walking cast on her foot.
I cried.Why? My mother was an OR nurse for years and yet her mind is so far gone she could not remember why she had an ace bandage on her ankle. She does not know why she has a cast on either but at least her ankle will heal.
Then a few days latter I was called because her fragile skin "peeled" and she was bleeding. Her arm was covered with Neosporin and bandaged.
These are events that can't be helped. I am glad she is in a place that can take care of her because I would be lost as to want to do or how to handle these things. This is one of those times that I know in my heart I am taking good care of her by having her in this nursing home.
I do love you Mommy.