sighhhhhh

IT is sad to say that there are days when I don't think of my mother. I always think of Daddy.
I had surgery on April 29th and I felt like the biggest baby. I so missed my parents being there when I woke up. The pink roses Daddy would have had waiting for me. Mom talking to the doctor and nurses making sure they had done a good job. I sent her a mother's day card so did Heather. I did not call. I have not got back to see her since her birthday the 22 nd of April. I really really hate this disease. I am affraid of who she will be when I go again. So I don't go I don't call then I justify my like of visits by her poor mother behavior when I was a kid. it is an endless circle of quilt and sadness. My middle son wants to know why she is there and not in an Assisted living place where she has more freedom. I again have to explain about this horrible disease and the the Grandma he knew when he was little is no longer around. I won't be able to drive for several more weeks that is my excuse for now, oh there are people who would be glad to take me but..But I just can't make myself go.....yep Alzheimer's is horrid for everyone!