This past weekend I went to a retreat with the ladies from my Church.The past with my mother was anything but Donna Reed. When I admitted the other day to blogland and myself that part of the pain was accepting that I wish the Lord had taken my mother instead of my Daddy last year.
That being said, this weekend for me was a hoping to find a way to come to peace with the past and my mother.
Several things happened that worked on the healing of my heart and soul. After lunch on Saturday a few of us went swimming, we talked about our daughters and body issues general stuff and then our mothers not specifics but the general events that were painful. One of the women also had a mother with Alzheimer's; it was good to face someone who understood the anger and the depth of the sadness that this disease brings to each of us. We spoke of the words our mothers can say that cut us to the core.
It really doesn't matter that the disease aggravates the personality the words still hurt. Again there is comfort knowing one is not alone in this situation.
After a prayer meeting we broke into groups, my little group shared how at one retreat it was suggested that everyone write what their hurt, anger, frustration etc was then place that in a bag and leave it a the foot of a cross that was at the retreat.
Later Saturday night one of my roommates and I talked for 3 hours I did a lot of crying. the depth of the conversation was more intense than I had ever done mostly about how ...well that doesn't matter. I then wrote a letter tore it up into tiny peaces and left it at the retreat. I feel at peace now. I actually want to see Mom. I know she will still attack me, I know that sooner or later she will forget who I am. But for now for the moment my heart is at peace. Praise the Lord! John 16 vs 33:"These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace.In the world you shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world."