a letter and more

As I have said before we have 5 kids between Brad and I. Joe 41, Stewart 33, Rachel 28 those 3 are mine, Todd 36 Brad's and Heather almost 10 ours. It has been a rough year and I have not always kept in touch with family as I usually do. I just sent the following letter to a few family and friends. Writing down in a brief note helps put the the last 15 months into a nutshell and helps me find some peace.
" Dear.....
On my google page it has a countdown to Christmas, which today said 40 days. Now I don't know about you but I am still trying to figure out what happened to Spring and Summer. I am so sorry for not keeping in touch. Facebook is about all I have time for these days. When I review the last 15 months since Daddy died I realize life has been off the wall here in Ballston Spa.
Just in case you are curious there are many people who have not heard from me. The sadness until recently was pretty overwhelming. I see why people used to wear black arm bands to denote a family death. It would have made it easier than explaining why I have been so sad. I didn't know I could cry so much. For me it seemed like I buried both parents.
To be very honest I didn't realize until a few weeks ago that I truly have been in mourning. Daddy was one of my best and dearest friends. He was for me the perfect Daddy. Leaving me with a Mother I seldom got along with and now who not only has Alzheimer's but continues to be mean and when we are lucky nice. Even though she is in a nursing home she is still very much part of my world. She takes a tole on all of us. Poor Heather sadly was Mom's last target. Heather will most likely not go visit her Grandma again.
And then there of course so many deaths, 14 in all, my surgery and yes the shoulder still hurts and there are days when my whole right arm is swollen. Of course the newest twist is Brad's broken foot. He is on disability for at least 4 weeks or longer. Of course that means another cut in pay.
Please know , I think of you all the time.
Email, facebook, call, drop a snail mail note let me know when you are home and have a few minutes to talk. I have called a few times but reached an odd voice mail and did not leave a message, I hope everything is okay.
Hopefully we can connect sometime before the year ends. We are here for Christmas and in Massachusetts for Thanksgiving.
Love you all, Jewels"
I hope that helps those who wonder how I have been, reviewing it just makes me feel tired.
I did see Mom the other day she is not as angry when we are in the "common area." She seems more childlike or maybe childish.
Since she appears to have no since of time Joe and I are taking her out to lunch on Monday. Discussing the holidays seems pointless. We shall see how that pans out... In the meantime I just want to find a quiet place so that my heart and soul can find peace and quiet.