My Mother worked 2 jobs, she was off Wednesday and Sunday. On Sundays she would drop me off at Mass then go grocery shopping and pick me up after wards. EXCEPT Ash Wednesday, Palm Sunday, Easter and Christmas that is when we would go together. Those were the times we would get all dressed up she would wear a cool hat that matched her bag and shoes and I would wear a white mantilla and the Sunday best dress. After we went to Mass we would go out to breakfast other times we would come home and have brunch.
As we left Daddy would always say,"Ladies you look lovely, say Hi to God for me." Daddy wasn't Catholic so he enjoyed the quiet, sitting in his recliner drinking coffee, smoking, reading the Sunday paper and looking at the TV watching "Face the Nation and Meet the Press."
When I moved Mom into the nursing home I brought her Crucifix which she had forever and a dried up palm branch....
I just called the home. I spoke to Cindy the charge nurse to suggest that perhaps Mom would like to go to Mass. Then I asked her if Mother had enjoyed the letter I had written which was a very nice nuetral newsletter mostly about the grandkids. Cindy told me Mom wanted her to return the letter to me. She wants nothing to do with me.
You would think after all the pain the angry words between us these past 2 years it would be a great feeling of relief. She has told the staff she no longer wants to see me or hear from me. That hurts so much!!!
I received a call from the nursing home the other day with a list of items Mom needs again. I'll take care of it because as we all know that's what we do, we are good sons and daughters even when our parents say they hate us. God, I hate ALZHEIMER'S!
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Some quiet time
Brad and Heather are enjoying the 55 degrees here in upstate NY. they went bike riding.
I am having an off day nothing to do with Alzheimer's really but then again everything to do with the loss of comminication with my mother because of this horrid disease...most of thetime I would call AZ. and Mom would answer we would speak briiefly and then she would hand the phone to Daddy We would talk for a long time then folow up with an email. emails wee a daily thing then a few days later I would call and the loop would continue.Boy do I miss those phone calls.
This past week there have been the usual family crisis nothing big just life stuff. There is no Mom and Dad to talk to anymore the older i got the more I appreciated their wisdom.
Mom will turn 86 on Good Friday this year. Once in a great while her birthday falls on Easter or Easter falls on her birthday whichever it doesn't matter now. I just checked in 1962,1973,1984 and then again in 2052. There is a picture of the kids and I with her on Easter Sunday her birthday in 1984, I have to dig it out of the trunk.
Her years of wisdom are locked away now, her memory is shrinking and sadly I am not a part of her world. Funny when we fought and disagreed I would think how great it would be if she would just disappear and leave me with Daddy.
I was wrong! As abusive and bad as it was at least she was mentally here. There is no Daddy now and I would give anything for even one argument so we could make up and go shopping or watch an old movie.The farther Mom goes away inside herself the more I would give for just one of those fights and then the time pleasant moments that followed.
I am having an off day nothing to do with Alzheimer's really but then again everything to do with the loss of comminication with my mother because of this horrid disease...most of thetime I would call AZ. and Mom would answer we would speak briiefly and then she would hand the phone to Daddy We would talk for a long time then folow up with an email. emails wee a daily thing then a few days later I would call and the loop would continue.Boy do I miss those phone calls.
This past week there have been the usual family crisis nothing big just life stuff. There is no Mom and Dad to talk to anymore the older i got the more I appreciated their wisdom.
Mom will turn 86 on Good Friday this year. Once in a great while her birthday falls on Easter or Easter falls on her birthday whichever it doesn't matter now. I just checked in 1962,1973,1984 and then again in 2052. There is a picture of the kids and I with her on Easter Sunday her birthday in 1984, I have to dig it out of the trunk.
Her years of wisdom are locked away now, her memory is shrinking and sadly I am not a part of her world. Funny when we fought and disagreed I would think how great it would be if she would just disappear and leave me with Daddy.
I was wrong! As abusive and bad as it was at least she was mentally here. There is no Daddy now and I would give anything for even one argument so we could make up and go shopping or watch an old movie.The farther Mom goes away inside herself the more I would give for just one of those fights and then the time pleasant moments that followed.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
I went , I cried....
Why do we have reviews at the nursing homes where our loved ones are now living? It is a law here in NY. On Tuesday the 29th I attended another review. There were 8 staff including the Chaplain. I was pretty upset, I asked if we could open with a word of prayer, after all the name of this nursing home is "Baptist Health." The Chaplain said a short prayer.
Each of the staff presented their statement about my mother: she is sarcastic and testy, eats well, needs to use a walker but REFUSES which means someone must assist her walking at all time,her bathroom habits well she now needs a diaper,plays bingo and hearts, crochets often, sleeps late goes to bed early, is in her own world these days, and as for me well it is best that I still stay away.Even though she has the vodka (it is looked up with the meds) she has not had much of it as of now.
I cried they told I don't need to attend these reviews. I told them my Dad would want me to and after all she is the only mother I have. I was told I am a good daughter and I told them thank you but sadly the person who I wish would say that doesn't want to talk to me.
I thought this would get easier, in a way it is. I remind myself daily I promised my Dad I would take care of her. I am, not the way I thought. She is in a great nursing home with a kind and gentle staff. I will continue to pray for her,go to these reviews, buy her clothes and her extras and pay her bills until she passes.
This Horrid disease took any chance I had of making peace with my mother. I will always regret that.No matter how I look at it ALZHEIMER"S IS HORRID!!!
Each of the staff presented their statement about my mother: she is sarcastic and testy, eats well, needs to use a walker but REFUSES which means someone must assist her walking at all time,her bathroom habits well she now needs a diaper,plays bingo and hearts, crochets often, sleeps late goes to bed early, is in her own world these days, and as for me well it is best that I still stay away.Even though she has the vodka (it is looked up with the meds) she has not had much of it as of now.
I cried they told I don't need to attend these reviews. I told them my Dad would want me to and after all she is the only mother I have. I was told I am a good daughter and I told them thank you but sadly the person who I wish would say that doesn't want to talk to me.
I thought this would get easier, in a way it is. I remind myself daily I promised my Dad I would take care of her. I am, not the way I thought. She is in a great nursing home with a kind and gentle staff. I will continue to pray for her,go to these reviews, buy her clothes and her extras and pay her bills until she passes.
This Horrid disease took any chance I had of making peace with my mother. I will always regret that.No matter how I look at it ALZHEIMER"S IS HORRID!!!
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
My kids in Blogland
You know you think you know your children and you talk to them frequently but when you read their blogs it is like looking into their secret worlds. My middle son (33) and my oldest daughter (28) both are on facebook. I talk to them and see them but reading here in Blogland and how they view the world is different.
I don't comment on what they say and I am not even sure if they know I read their blogs.It is interesting how neither of them have mentioned their Grandma. Rachel has let me know how angry she is at her, and Stewart has lost all respect for her. Why? There is not enough room here in Blogland to explain and to be honest it is to painful. Her past behavior has shown its ugly face and because my children love me they get mad because of how she affects me.
That being said I really am no longer angry at her. Just hurt no that is not the word sad because there will be no mending of what went wrong, no I'm sorry for... no I appreciate....no I love you..no... you get the idea this Horrid horrid disease has taken away the chance to mend our numerous broken fences. That is where the tears come from the depth of my soul.
I don't comment on what they say and I am not even sure if they know I read their blogs.It is interesting how neither of them have mentioned their Grandma. Rachel has let me know how angry she is at her, and Stewart has lost all respect for her. Why? There is not enough room here in Blogland to explain and to be honest it is to painful. Her past behavior has shown its ugly face and because my children love me they get mad because of how she affects me.
That being said I really am no longer angry at her. Just hurt no that is not the word sad because there will be no mending of what went wrong, no I'm sorry for... no I appreciate....no I love you..no... you get the idea this Horrid horrid disease has taken away the chance to mend our numerous broken fences. That is where the tears come from the depth of my soul.
the review
I am trying very hard not to be wound up about the review in a few hours... the truth is my stomach is in knots and I really don't want to go. But like all of us I will because it is the right thing to do...more later...
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Never enough time
I don't remember the last time I wrote here.I still have not seen my mother, it has been 3 months today.Beverly's review is the 29th I shall see if things have changed. I have regular contact with the nursing home who tells me it is better I stay away. My mother becomes very agitated when I leave and it takes several days to calm her down. 2 weeks ago I received a call from Mom's social worker at the nursing home.It seems her psychiatrist wrote a prescription so she could have a shot of vodka in the form of a"screwdriver" before she went to bed. What more can I say...
Saturday, February 12, 2011
recertification
It used to make me angry that Daddy died and left me with this mess and the Mom with Alzheimer's. It doesn't now, it is just part of my life as long as she is alive and living in a nursing home.
The recertification is an annual thing apparently. It is the way medicaid makes sure we are not using the funds of our family members for our own benefit. IF money is directly deposited to a personal/ private account then paperwork is sent out on the anniversary of the persons arrival in the nursing home.
That would be us...no matter how many times I call DFAS ( the military retirement from Daddy) or Ceridian ( for his pension after 30 years with them) both places have changed their policies. They will no longer send funds to private institutions. That makes no sense because each resistant has an escrow account to protect their money.
You know paper work and nursing homes and medicaid and taxes are a real pain.Why do we all do this stuff? Because it is what keeps our family members safe and sound. It can be annoying and will take time and a few calls and of course stamps.
The home called the other day Mom keeps falling and won't use a cane of a walker, she scratches her skin no matter how much lotion is applied. Most of her teeth are now gone and she refuses to go to the dentist. She is as stubborn as ever.
Oh yes, she still hates me.
Heather cries a lot about not having her grandparents. That is when I do get angry not at Mom but the disease that makes it emotionally unsafe for me to take her youngest grandchild for visits.
That is when I am reminded that, "Alzheimer's is HORRID!"
The recertification is an annual thing apparently. It is the way medicaid makes sure we are not using the funds of our family members for our own benefit. IF money is directly deposited to a personal/ private account then paperwork is sent out on the anniversary of the persons arrival in the nursing home.
That would be us...no matter how many times I call DFAS ( the military retirement from Daddy) or Ceridian ( for his pension after 30 years with them) both places have changed their policies. They will no longer send funds to private institutions. That makes no sense because each resistant has an escrow account to protect their money.
You know paper work and nursing homes and medicaid and taxes are a real pain.Why do we all do this stuff? Because it is what keeps our family members safe and sound. It can be annoying and will take time and a few calls and of course stamps.
The home called the other day Mom keeps falling and won't use a cane of a walker, she scratches her skin no matter how much lotion is applied. Most of her teeth are now gone and she refuses to go to the dentist. She is as stubborn as ever.
Oh yes, she still hates me.
Heather cries a lot about not having her grandparents. That is when I do get angry not at Mom but the disease that makes it emotionally unsafe for me to take her youngest grandchild for visits.
That is when I am reminded that, "Alzheimer's is HORRID!"
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