Sunday, September 9, 2012
PS---please listen
I found it and I should have know it was Nat"King" Cole ("Youtube") Mom loved him most of all. I had forgotten the words, 2 of the lines," Since you went away the days grow long," "But I miss you most of all when Autumn leaves start to fall!" I do miss her, there were rough times between us long before the Alzheimer's ate her brain and made her mean. Please know I do love her and miss the good times so much......I really hate Alzheimer's...it is beyond HORRID!!!
Autumn in NY
I know it is only the 9th but here in upstate the leaves on my oak tree are already turning red. Does anyone remember the song "Autumn in New York"?
We came from Southern California to upstate NY in Jan. 1980. My Daddy had gotten transferred, and since my in-laws at the time lived in Ma. David and I and our 2 boys came East with them.
That was almost 33 years ago.
This may be hard to follow but for me there is always a thread of how I reached different points in my crazy world.
The boys loved the snow, Joe was 10 Stewart 2. I had never driven in the white stuff and was a little nervous. It took a while to get comfy but by the next Winter we were settled in a little town called Argyle. I got stuck in the snow several times but there was always a farmer who pulled me out.
My parents lived 45 minutes South in Albany and my-in-laws 3 1/2 hours South East down by the Cape.
The first Autumn was breathtaking that's when my mother got out her old records and found Johnny Mathias or maybe It was Frank Sinatra singing "Autumn leaves."
Yesterday I sat out in my front yard with Brad and Heather looking at the sky and looked at the beautiful leaves. And reflected. Heather is now in middle school the others are all on their own, Daddy is with the Lord .
I wish Mommy was sitting outside with me drinking her "Tab" talking about years gone by and sharing what each of her grandchildren and great grand children were doing. She loved Fall mostly because it meant Christmas was coming closer. That was her favorite time of year!
I think I'l go to "You Tube" and see if I can find someone singing "Autumn leaves" and cry some more. I so hate Alzheimer's!
We came from Southern California to upstate NY in Jan. 1980. My Daddy had gotten transferred, and since my in-laws at the time lived in Ma. David and I and our 2 boys came East with them.
That was almost 33 years ago.
This may be hard to follow but for me there is always a thread of how I reached different points in my crazy world.
The boys loved the snow, Joe was 10 Stewart 2. I had never driven in the white stuff and was a little nervous. It took a while to get comfy but by the next Winter we were settled in a little town called Argyle. I got stuck in the snow several times but there was always a farmer who pulled me out.
My parents lived 45 minutes South in Albany and my-in-laws 3 1/2 hours South East down by the Cape.
The first Autumn was breathtaking that's when my mother got out her old records and found Johnny Mathias or maybe It was Frank Sinatra singing "Autumn leaves."
Yesterday I sat out in my front yard with Brad and Heather looking at the sky and looked at the beautiful leaves. And reflected. Heather is now in middle school the others are all on their own, Daddy is with the Lord .
I wish Mommy was sitting outside with me drinking her "Tab" talking about years gone by and sharing what each of her grandchildren and great grand children were doing. She loved Fall mostly because it meant Christmas was coming closer. That was her favorite time of year!
I think I'l go to "You Tube" and see if I can find someone singing "Autumn leaves" and cry some more. I so hate Alzheimer's!
Saturday, August 25, 2012
Just wondering????
I was re-reading some of my posts and then decided to go to that place in BLOG LAND where you can see how many people read what you write and where they all live. It is interesting to know how many others can understand what this is like.
My dear friend; Kris has a 96 yer old Dad who also has Alzheimer's only "Babe" his real name is Homer is so funny. He talks about how he won WWII as a pilot, or how he paid for this doctor or that doctor to go through medical school. Or that he designed that new building etc etc....you get the idea!
Recently he told Kris that he had been going to Chicago on Southwest airlines and told the stewardess that they had over shot the airport. He then went into the cockpit and found the pilots had been shot and killed. Babe told Kris he sat down and landed the plane safely. But before he could do that someone had to come and fix the bullet holes in the window. Some one came in and fixed them Babe commented on the neat way they spread some "goo" into the holes and they instantly mended themselves. The repair person said to Babe, "well, Sir you shouldn't be impressed you invented the product." The story was better hearing it from Kris first hand.
In Babe's world he is the hero, the fixer, the all knowing, he on occasion remembers his 3 adult children. Kris is the middle child, she is the one who takes care of all of her father's needs. Her older brother and younger sister WILL NOT help in any way. Sadly that is not uncommon either.
The point is some of you out there in Blog land do have family members with this horrid disease that are funny, smile and may even if for only a minute remember who you are to them.
I only have Kris to hear that side of Alzheimer's.
She and I have been best friends for almost 50 years. Our parents (her Mom is gone as is my Daddy) have know each other the same length of time. Who would have ever thought instead of playing cards together they would be in nursing homes on opposite sides of the country with the same disease and behaving like night and day.
My thoughts are this, truly this disease is something to be taken one day at a time, it will end. Whether there is any inner peace when the end comes I'll tell when I know. For now Mom is alive with most of her "lights" out and her body shutting down a little more each day.
I shutter when the phone rings really late or very early. I can only pray when it is her time it will be gentle and peaceful.... and God forgive... sooner than later...
My dear friend; Kris has a 96 yer old Dad who also has Alzheimer's only "Babe" his real name is Homer is so funny. He talks about how he won WWII as a pilot, or how he paid for this doctor or that doctor to go through medical school. Or that he designed that new building etc etc....you get the idea!
Recently he told Kris that he had been going to Chicago on Southwest airlines and told the stewardess that they had over shot the airport. He then went into the cockpit and found the pilots had been shot and killed. Babe told Kris he sat down and landed the plane safely. But before he could do that someone had to come and fix the bullet holes in the window. Some one came in and fixed them Babe commented on the neat way they spread some "goo" into the holes and they instantly mended themselves. The repair person said to Babe, "well, Sir you shouldn't be impressed you invented the product." The story was better hearing it from Kris first hand.
In Babe's world he is the hero, the fixer, the all knowing, he on occasion remembers his 3 adult children. Kris is the middle child, she is the one who takes care of all of her father's needs. Her older brother and younger sister WILL NOT help in any way. Sadly that is not uncommon either.
The point is some of you out there in Blog land do have family members with this horrid disease that are funny, smile and may even if for only a minute remember who you are to them.
I only have Kris to hear that side of Alzheimer's.
She and I have been best friends for almost 50 years. Our parents (her Mom is gone as is my Daddy) have know each other the same length of time. Who would have ever thought instead of playing cards together they would be in nursing homes on opposite sides of the country with the same disease and behaving like night and day.
My thoughts are this, truly this disease is something to be taken one day at a time, it will end. Whether there is any inner peace when the end comes I'll tell when I know. For now Mom is alive with most of her "lights" out and her body shutting down a little more each day.
I shutter when the phone rings really late or very early. I can only pray when it is her time it will be gentle and peaceful.... and God forgive... sooner than later...
Saturday, August 11, 2012
Poor Joe, 2 grandma's down...
My Joe is the oldest of all the grandchildren at 43.
David, my x-husband, has a 91 year old Mom, Betty, she just left Florida to live out the rest of her time with family here in the Northeast. She has recently developed ovarian and uterine cancer and to everyone's shock is having a complete hysterectomy on Tues. Will she even survive the surgery? Who knows?
David wants all the kids to come to Ma. today to see his mother just in case she does not make it through surgery. I certainly understand that BUT Rachel and I will be leaving to go for 6 days to Canada. Stewart lives in Buffalo NY is going to law school. Not only does he have no time; he and Carolyn are on a really tight budget and can't afford another trip out here right now.
But Joe is here and has time, he will be expected to go. I need Joe to be "on call" for my mother.
I know my son, he is responsible and loves these old women and David and I. He would tell you he is not thrilled to be put in this position. BUT he will do what needs to be done.
Joe was close to both his now deceased Grandfather's but not so with either Grandma.
Here we have one 91 year old lady who from the neck up is "right on" and one 87 year old lady who from the neck down "is in ok shape."
Between the Alzheimer's and the Cancer I wonder who will leave to go the Lord and a deceased husband first.?
My point of all this is; as horrible as Alzheimer's is losing possibly losing someone that has reached 91 to Cancer is just as HORRID.
We pray that Betty lives through the surgery and reaches another birthday. As for Beverly each day is a struggle for me and the kids. Having a body that works okay but no mind is so difficult.
Once again I turn this over to God. I pray what ever HE does with these two Grandma's we the surviving family know it is HIS will and not ours.
May you each find comfort in God and your loved ones...this is not a simple nor short path....
David, my x-husband, has a 91 year old Mom, Betty, she just left Florida to live out the rest of her time with family here in the Northeast. She has recently developed ovarian and uterine cancer and to everyone's shock is having a complete hysterectomy on Tues. Will she even survive the surgery? Who knows?
David wants all the kids to come to Ma. today to see his mother just in case she does not make it through surgery. I certainly understand that BUT Rachel and I will be leaving to go for 6 days to Canada. Stewart lives in Buffalo NY is going to law school. Not only does he have no time; he and Carolyn are on a really tight budget and can't afford another trip out here right now.
But Joe is here and has time, he will be expected to go. I need Joe to be "on call" for my mother.
I know my son, he is responsible and loves these old women and David and I. He would tell you he is not thrilled to be put in this position. BUT he will do what needs to be done.
Joe was close to both his now deceased Grandfather's but not so with either Grandma.
Here we have one 91 year old lady who from the neck up is "right on" and one 87 year old lady who from the neck down "is in ok shape."
Between the Alzheimer's and the Cancer I wonder who will leave to go the Lord and a deceased husband first.?
My point of all this is; as horrible as Alzheimer's is losing possibly losing someone that has reached 91 to Cancer is just as HORRID.
We pray that Betty lives through the surgery and reaches another birthday. As for Beverly each day is a struggle for me and the kids. Having a body that works okay but no mind is so difficult.
Once again I turn this over to God. I pray what ever HE does with these two Grandma's we the surviving family know it is HIS will and not ours.
May you each find comfort in God and your loved ones...this is not a simple nor short path....
Saturday, July 28, 2012
Does She remember????
This time 3 years ago I was flying to Az. I had spoken to Daddy at the usual 5 am NY time we spoke for about 15 minutes. He told me he loved me and that he was tired. Just before we said our goodbyes he once again asked me to promise to take care of Mom when he was gone. 19 hours later my mother called screaming into the phone that Daddy was dead. I had reservation to fly out August 17th. I called Southwest told them what happened and they changed my ticket immediately. I was at the airport and on my way less than 2 hours after Mom called.
This morning is the 3 year anniversary of my Daddy's passing. I sat at this computer and cried. Why him, why, my best friend, why the most honorable man in the world why, why, why???
Then I wondered will Mom know what today is; will she review her life with this wonderful man who took such good care of us? And after I left home devoted himself 150 % to this woman who Daddy loved her even though she was such high maintenance?
I know the answer. She no longer knows what day, what week or what year. She doesn't remember me. So does she remember the "love of her life?" Most likely not... just another reason to hate Alzheimer's.
But Daddy I remember you and I will honor those memories always. And even though I haven't seen Mom in a long time I am taking care of her and it hurts my heart to know she will never know that even after all the bad times; I do love her. After all I had you as an example. You came into our lives when I was 9 and showed me from the start that love has nothing to do with genes but with your heart. Thank you Daddy, I will always love you!
This morning is the 3 year anniversary of my Daddy's passing. I sat at this computer and cried. Why him, why, my best friend, why the most honorable man in the world why, why, why???
Then I wondered will Mom know what today is; will she review her life with this wonderful man who took such good care of us? And after I left home devoted himself 150 % to this woman who Daddy loved her even though she was such high maintenance?
I know the answer. She no longer knows what day, what week or what year. She doesn't remember me. So does she remember the "love of her life?" Most likely not... just another reason to hate Alzheimer's.
But Daddy I remember you and I will honor those memories always. And even though I haven't seen Mom in a long time I am taking care of her and it hurts my heart to know she will never know that even after all the bad times; I do love her. After all I had you as an example. You came into our lives when I was 9 and showed me from the start that love has nothing to do with genes but with your heart. Thank you Daddy, I will always love you!
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
Hmmm another holiday...
This day in 1968 I married David. We had a big Catholic wedding with 5 bridesmaids, ring barer, flower girl, matron of honor best man and 350 guests. The marriage produced 3 wonderful children all grown all with their own lives. The marriage to David lasted 30 years. Rachel and I were on our own for 5 years , she was 15 when we split up.
Then I married the love of my life Brad and adopted his daughter Heather who was barely 2. David is happy with his present wife and after years of not speaking I actually invited him and his wife to our daughter Rachel's 30 birthday party I am having on the 28th of this month.
WHAT does this have to do with Alzheimer's. It is a day that reminds me of how much I miss the good times. The family bar-b-ques, all the Holidays, birthday parties, plays and baseball games the kids were in, my parents came when they could.
Heather is in the summer production of "the Wiz" she is a Winkie and a Poppy. Certainly not staring rolls but she is excited Daddy and MOm would have loved to see her onstatge. Rachel and her older brother Joe are racing with the their Dad in the "firecracker run" here in Saratoga NY. Then there is the family bbq and after a trip to see "Brave"in 3D.
There was a time when my parents would have moved mountains to attend all these events.
Yes, Mom and I had lots of issues; but the family gatherings; that is is where there was love and laughs and I miss those time.
I watched the last part of "THE NOTEBOOK" last night, I so wish that was our ending.
I hope and pray for all of us who live in the world with someone we love who has Alzheimer's that today for awhile we can hold on to the good times and the happy memories. Just maybe for a short time forget that Alzheimer's is Horrid.
Then I married the love of my life Brad and adopted his daughter Heather who was barely 2. David is happy with his present wife and after years of not speaking I actually invited him and his wife to our daughter Rachel's 30 birthday party I am having on the 28th of this month.
WHAT does this have to do with Alzheimer's. It is a day that reminds me of how much I miss the good times. The family bar-b-ques, all the Holidays, birthday parties, plays and baseball games the kids were in, my parents came when they could.
Heather is in the summer production of "the Wiz" she is a Winkie and a Poppy. Certainly not staring rolls but she is excited Daddy and MOm would have loved to see her onstatge. Rachel and her older brother Joe are racing with the their Dad in the "firecracker run" here in Saratoga NY. Then there is the family bbq and after a trip to see "Brave"in 3D.
There was a time when my parents would have moved mountains to attend all these events.
Yes, Mom and I had lots of issues; but the family gatherings; that is is where there was love and laughs and I miss those time.
I watched the last part of "THE NOTEBOOK" last night, I so wish that was our ending.
I hope and pray for all of us who live in the world with someone we love who has Alzheimer's that today for awhile we can hold on to the good times and the happy memories. Just maybe for a short time forget that Alzheimer's is Horrid.
Sunday, July 1, 2012
not much to say...
But...2 more of our friends have buried a parent in the last week. The sad part of being 60 something is that the parents of our piers are all in the late 80's and they die. Even though it was "just" 2 deaths I purchased another 3 Sympathy cards because it seems that almost every other week or so someone passes. As for my Mom she is still "hanging in there."
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